Do I leave it alone or say something?

Question

I have become involved with someone who I love very much.  She has two daughters from a previous marriage.  The man she divorced was not the biological father of the two daughters, yet, they called him "dad" or "daddy" even though their biological father is still living.  Now that I have become involved with her I am called by my first name.  I feel bad because the one that is NOT the biological father once said that he did NOT care about if they were or were NOT his biological children, he would NOT treat them as his own yet they are obligated to call him "dad" or "daddy".  Am I wrong for getting steamed over this or should I leave it alone?  I love their mom VERY much, but this is bothering me.  Their biological father didn't stick around because he was irresponsible and didn't want to have a damn thing with them.  I however love her girls and I would give my life for all three of them.  Thanks for the help in this question.

iron-side · Accepted Answer

Just keep them as friends, and leave it be.

Cat Lover · Answer

I agree with the others!   

Now I'm wondering just why this upsets you when you are only going with their mother!   You aren't married to her, and even if you were, those girls spent more time with that man, and he was a father figure to them!   You aren't in that position yet!  And may never be.  Besides, "dad" or "daddy" is just a word.  

So what is wrong with being called by your first name?   You should be darn glad that the girls accept you!   I knew a woman who had twin girls, and they were so jealous of every man their mom met.   They would act obnoxious and have temper tantrums so bad that it drove every potential boyfriend away.   

So just love them and don't worry about titles.  Feelings are more important anyway!

pat z · Answer

Leave it alone. You are neither their biological father nor the man who they are obligated to call "Dad".
What's most important here is the love you have as an adult (role model and partner of their mother) for these girls.

abfabmom1 · Answer

I'd leave it alone.  Arguing with the girls about who they choose (yes, it's a choice) to call Daddy is not going to garner respect for you.  Show them love on a daily basis, and they'll think of you as Daddy, regardless of the label they use for you out loud.

? · Answer

boy, yeah this is confusing to say the least. 
i understand the Emotion of this. however. this isn't really about you or your relationship with their mom its about them. and her. separate individuals. 
definitely leave it alone, don't try to force them to call you something. dad is just a word they use- or were coached to use by someone at some point. 
if they are more comfortable with calling you by your name, allowing them to do so is necessary.

The Unknown Avatar · Answer

My advice is to choose your battles wisely. The children sooner or later will decide who the "real" father figure is. Meanwhile, you keep the peace.

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Do I leave it alone or say something?

6 Answers