My boyfriend takes crappy care of his daughter?

And yet he's the man of your dreams. You're an enabler.

I think you are being realistic. My husband had an 11 y.o. daughter when we married. She was the big sister to three younger siblings. At the age of 5 she was kept home from kindergarten so she could watch her 6 month old sister while her mom could go out.

She was living with mom and we rarely got to see her. I had suspicions that she was being molested by her step dad.

Eventually we got custody of her at age 13. Sadly, she was "grown up" at this age. She did not want to be a child anymore, she did not want to follow our rules, such as curfew and other rules. She spent weekends at her mom's house so what we tried to do during the week was un-done by the time she came home on Sunday night.

Bottom line is, there isn't much you can do. You can try and maybe you'll have better luck but for now, you don't have a lot of control.

I know this is difficult but I wish you the best.

PS-Your bf needs an ultimatum. Either he becomes the father he needs to be or you leave. Your (future) children will be needing a better father than him.

I am sorry that you are having this upsetting notions on account that i do not consider that any person should consider dangerous about what they may be able to do to help out a baby and household. The best way I look at it, all that you are able to do is be honest in all of your dealings along with your child and try to not feel guilty in anyway. Provide her the love that she deserves and proceed to look within your self to be sure that you're doing the matters that you simply had hoped you could do for her. Be open and loving closer to your sister and her youngsters and take a look at not to resent or be jealous if that perhaps a main issue. Don't be condescending nor self righteous considering the fact that I for my part suppose that your sister did the right thing. Behaviors are taught and then strengthened. I are likely to believe that angle is a component of habits. If you show your little one love, then love is what she'll do. Granted, life shouldn't be all that effortless, however in case you chorus from negativity in a trouble, you could have given then child a chance to self analyze and to not be afraid and that it is adequate. Just right luck. I am raising my brothers two little boys and i am fairly seeking to be the best affect they might have, and that i do love them a lot. They recognize that too.

I was in a similar situation...as my mother put it "That boy did not win the parent lottery!"...until my step son met me that is.

I'm not going to lie...few people in the world are going to understand why you are getting yourself involved. For me it was because I loved my step son from the moment I met him, and there have been times over the last 8 years when I didn't want to stay married to my husband, but the thing that kept me married was what would happen to that kid if I wasn't here.

At age 21 I bought my first car without a co-signer, at age 24 I ran my own department, at age 26 I bought my own house...without any help from anyone. I am one of the most accomplished people in my field now at age 36, and I have had my act together for as long as I can remember, so why bring myself down to deal with these...well these idiots who don't know how to behave? My only answer can be that you don't choose who you love, and when the need to help a child gets involved what can you do? I was the rational person in this mix, I did push my husband to get custody, I did get the courts to agree that the mom was just no good for the kid...the problem was that the father wasn't so stable either, so I made him stable. He moved into my house, we had my steady income, he had my stability vouching for his stability and it worked. It was hard though, and my own family felt I was over stepping, but when you love a kid what can you do?

In my case it all worked out. My husband grew up, the courts took all of the bio-mom's kids away and gave them to their fathers (and she wasn't hitting them or on drugs she just was border line neglect her 11 year old daughter ran the house and that is its own form of abuse so CPS removed the kids), and after 8 years in the making the courts allowed me to adopt my step son. It worked in my case because my husband wanted it to...he screwed up often but his main priority was the well being of his son, and that jived with my priority too.

Few people will understand walking in and being the parent in a child's life that has 2 parents, and isn't your blood....but when neither of the kids parents are adults what else can you do but take over and make sure it is done right.

You're a successful, accomplished young woman, and you're hitching your wagon to a bum who still shares with room mates????

THAT is my biggest problem with this situation. I get that you have love for this poor innocent child and want to help her. But that is not a good enough reason to be with/marry her dad. What about when you and he have kids one day? Is he still going to be all words and no action then? Do you want the father of your child to be nonchalant towards your kids?

If you don't see it as a problem, and are going to stay with him, why not get him to move in with you, start saving, help him get more income etc and then go for full custody. Tell him he needs to step up more, that he's not just a kid now and needs to show he's a good father, and BE a good father. I am sure the child would be delighted to live with you.

And even if you don't end up staying with him, there is nothing wrong with you starting to save for this child's college. Though i wouldn't set it up in her name. There may come a day when you wish you hadn't. So just save it, and if you still want to when she gets there, you can give her a scholarship for college.

You are a gem to want to help out. However, If your bf sucks at taking care of his daughter who has another mother, can you be certain he will give a hoot about a child the two of you have?

Of course there are no guarantees either way, but just don't get yourself tied down with an utterly useless guy.

Best wishes.

I honestly would just leave it alone. I don't like the way my bf is raising his daughter neither but I just keep my mouth just because it's not my place to say anything. If you wanna help out that's great but I wouldn't say anything to them about being crappy parents.