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I don't want to live anymore?
Bullied threw-out school about how I used to be overweight and being a redhead, further bullied about members of my family who negatively effected my life, born into an unhappy and depressing family, divorced parents at aged 15, father who is detached from fatherly responsibilities and I don't admire him, semi-violent and poor childhood, remembering having only recycled clothing into my teens, I can't make friends and currently have maybe one, don't feel attractive to girls, never had a girlfriend, never had sex, introverted, ugly, feel dumb because my school exam results were very poor, reading and writing difficulties, belittled, never been on a holiday, I always wondered why all my friends when on holidays and I didn't, my parents hate each other, my career aims are laughable to most and nobody is genuinely supportive (I want to work in the film industry, acting, seriously), I have a job but it's minimal hours which only covers my food expenses which doesn't set me up for anything, my work place sells high end products (happy families spend more on materialistic products than I make in a month), living hours from anything performing arts related places, my life seems a joke. I have been to auditions and within seconds of meeting other auditionees, they made me heave, I wanted to kill myself, so unreal and non genuine emotion. Looking at other people's lives, I feel bitter, empty, confused, bewildered, wondering how can people float threw life seamlessly, holidaying, loving family, friends, complete education easily and I'm stagnant, angry and depressed? I've forgotten how many walls I've punched ending in swollen damaged hands, recked and turned my bedroom upside-down several times, ripped interior doors off because I'd gotten beyond angry.
Narrow-minded, spoilt all their life, older work colleagues who lead pretty lives, overlook, patronise and assume they think my life hasn't been as bad as I've just explained, which drives me mad; I might be half their age but what they know about bad life experiences, I've forgotten about. Off the top of my head, I can roughly remember 25% of the **** that I've witnessed. People say, "if you're not happy with your life, change it", HOW am I meant to change my life if I don't know how to? Now it Christmas, the time my parents split and I was moving from home to home, plus Christmas brings unhappy memories for years before then anyway. I regularly think of killing myself and how others will react. I truly have had enough.
11 Answers
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
Sometimes when im home alone i like to lay on my floor and pretend im a carrot.........................................................................................................................................................................................................
- 8 years ago
Sweetie, all you can do is stay strong and fight for your dreams. No body's life is handy dandy. If so, there would be no bullies in the world. Do take your life because someone wants to be stupid and be mean. I've been bullied too, but all I can do is ignore it and lift my head up. I also love performing arts, and know it is kind of a dead end. But if we really love what we do we will never give up! I'm not. The worst of things always happen to the best of people. Show people that you have more to offer than what they think. Prove everyone wrong! Show them up. Go on a little diet and be the man you want to be! Screw the people that turned you down in these auditions because they haven't been able to see true talent yet. they judged you before they can even see your talent. Screw them! They're all stuck up pricks anyways. Just live life for you and no one else. It really helps me and I hope it help you!
Good luck!
P.S. Look at Demi Lovato as inspiration!! Stay Strong :)
- 8 years ago
My friend,
as you regularly think of killing yourself, the FIRST thing is to talk to a THERAPIST. They are professionals and probably can advice and do much more than us. I would suggest not to delay and visit a Therapist as soon as possible as the bad mood all the time is not very good and is not healthy.
I can advise you to go out regularly, to join a social club , go to a gym etc., but with a therapist you can discuss and that is more helpful.
Also, as someone already mentioned - nobody is perfect. Don't look at the ones who don't have such problems, I can assure you that there are a lot of people who have similar problems and even worse. For example, who have health problems and believe me that is no better than yours. You are healthy and you should be happy of it. That is just 1 example and there are more.
- 8 years ago
Okay, first don't kill yourself. There's a reason you're alive and there's a reason you were born into the life you live. No matter how bad your life seems, it could always be worse. I know that doesn't help because I used to be in your position. I used to want to kill myself and I went to a support group and they helped me through it. Talking helps because then you get different opinions and you can see that you're usually not alone. Someone else is living that life too. You have a purpose in life and you haven't found it yet. That's what life is, living until you find what you were supposed to do in life, what was planned out for you to do. Pray, ask for guidance and you'll be shown how to get through this.
When I was going through a tough time, I was blaming everyone but myself, I was not religious and I did not believe a God could exist to let these horrible things happen to me. But I realized that God will give you tough choices in order for you to grow and become stronger. He will never give you something that you can't handle.
I'm not trying to press anything on you, but this is what helped me when I was suicidal. I also learned to listen to music to get my mind off of everything, Doing yoga helped me to relax and doing deep breathing exercises helped me as well.
Talking helped the most though, that and praying. So if you need to talk to me, don't hesitate to PM me and I will help you anyway I can. You have a purpose in life, please don't end it early.
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- Anonymous8 years ago
I have been threw the same man . But if you move on and ignore the bullys everything will be better . It doesnt matter what race or sex you are its who you are in life and if those jerks think they can just call you names because your a red head then there wrong . Next time it happens stand up to yourself and show them your not scared of them. I was bullied by a Tongan and I stood up to him yea I maybe got my *** wooped but after that he hasnt said any negative to me all cause I stood up and showed my pride to him . So again if you feel like killing yourself then your heading the wrong path. Now I am not saying to fight everyone who put you threw a lot of crap im saying stand up for who you are .
- 8 years ago
Take A Trip Out Of Town And LIVE FOR YOU Find Yourself , And Things That Make You Happy Party And Find Someone Like You , You Will Feel Better
- Anonymous8 years ago
No
listen, you are truly amazing nobody is perfect in the world everybody has a chance to live just one life .
When I was 13 I was sexually insalted by my class. Raped,bullied I tried to kill myself I flashed next the police was I my door my heart was in my mouth then I told my teacher she didn't do anything I got a Tudor to come and help
Nobody is perfect
- 8 years ago
life is hard but you shouldn't give up on it just because its been crappy doesn't mean it has to continue to be crappy. Maybe moving is what you need as for bad memories let them go and make new ones being depressed sucks but you need to realize that you are worth it and don't give up on what could be
- Snake BaitLv 78 years ago
Go to church.
Exercise.
Eat right.
Listen to classical music.
Learn to speak french.
Join a club.
You need to learn to love yourself. Self esteem comes from learning to do things well and feeling proud of your choices. Spend more time walking outdoors than sitting indoors at your computer screen.