Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and the Yahoo Answers website is now in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.
Trending News
Does anyone have experience with being awarded custody then having the child go back to their parents?
Basically here is what is going on, a girl I grew up with had a child four years ago. Her boyfriend the child's father is unbalanced and abusive and they both have a serious drug problem. So we had no idea about any of this until two years ago, when she decided to clean up her act and leave him. She moved in with my husband and I and lived with us for 6 months, she was completely clean and decided she was ready to live on her own.
Within 6 months after she moved out she started doing drugs again and got back with her babies father. She pretty much stopped communications with my husband and I, and we found this all out through her family and friends. So long story short the drugs have escalated to a very dangerous point, they were smoking meth in the house with the child. The child is have horrible nightmares about Daddy hurting Mommy. Daddy was arrested recently for attempted kidnapping and child endangerment (tried to steal a car with two children in it). But the mother is still using very heavily, there is a possibility she is going to jail for dealing drugs but hasn't been arrested yet. Warrant was issued to search the house they found her phone talking about drug deals, and her meth pipe and some meth. She left the house while they were searching it and they have not arrested her as of now.
She came to my husband and I and told us that if she goes to Jail she wants us to raise her daughter until she gets out. She also told us that she has no intentions of ever cleaning up again that it was just too hard and she will not be putting herself through any of this. My husband and I had the paperwork drawn up for temp custody and a will made for her that states if something happens to her that the child goes to us.
Alright so that brings us to now. Her family is stepping in and taking the child from her, they/we have contacted Child endangerment services about what is going on (and yes they have been contacted a couple times in the past and no they didn't do anything). Her family agrees that my husband and I are can provide the best possible home for the child to grow up in so they will be sending her to us once she is taken. So basically we have been on standby for the last three weeks waiting to get the child, and it's suppose to happen after Christmas. My husband and I are ready, willing and wanting to raise this child who we both love and care about deeply (he already set up a collage fund for her two years ago).
We have been talking with a couple friends about what is going on and have basically been told get ready for some heartbreak because there is no way that child is going to stay with us. As soon as the mother cleans up a little or the father gets out of jail they are going to take her back. They have told us that this is a back and forth game and the parents have all the rights. So even if we have the child for the next 5-7 years (which is how long the mother will be in jail if they ever arrest her) When she gets out she has full legal rights to take the child back. Does anyone have any personal experience with this. We have an appointment with our lawyer after the holidays but could use some advice from people who have gone through similar custody issues. We are very scared and concerned, we kept thinking everything is going to be okay as soon as she gets to us nobody is ever going to take her out of our very stable and loving home and put her back with her parents. Now we are not so sure. PLEASE Any advice would be very welcome.
Sorry for the long story.
My husband is the bread winner in our family, I stay home and give riding lessons to keep myself busy, we own our house and it's large on 6 1/2 acres. We are not super wealthy but we are pretty comfortable. I have the best child attorney in the state currently. He is who our lawyer recommended, and he is who we have an appointment with. Our family lawyer has already talked to him and assured us that he is aware of what is going on and willing to take us as clients. So we are meeting with him after the holidays. I know that we will be represented well if anything happens. Our Lawyer also drew up the documents we already have, so everything so far has been done properly. But I'm scared and I know my husband is too, he has to call me 2 - 3 times a day asking me for updates. And he keeps having these long talks with me about not getting our hopes up and we need to be prepared to loose her after we have her.
Forgot to mention not that I'm sure it will make a difference or not, but my husband and I have been together for 7 years have a very stable and loving relationship and don't have children ourselves.
1 Answer
- PegathaLv 78 years agoFavorite Answer
It's different in every state, so you'll need to talk to a lawyer to make sure you're using the correct forms and wording things the right way. Yes, good lawyers are pricey, but most will give you an initial consultation free. If you still need help after the free consultation, then you could probably get by with an hour or two of legal assistance. You can represent yourself in court, but it's really good to get an attorney's advice beforehand.
Here's how it would work in my state: you'd file in court for third party custody. You'd list all the problems with the child's home--and be specific! Taking a kid away from her parents is serious business, so you have to prove it's necessary.
Now here's the part that protects the child after Mom gets out of jail: In your paperwork, you'd get to list what you require in order for the parents to get their child back. For example, you could say that the parent cannot file a motion to retrieve her child until she has finished her jail sentence, then completed six months of rehab. Or something similar. Your attorney will help you with this part.
There will also be criminal background checks for you & your husband, as well as a lot of paperwork & some court fees. But if the judge approves your petition, then you're good to go. Remember, it's not up to the parents, the extended family, or you & your husband. It's up to the court. So see an attorney (or a legal clinic if you're low-income) and find out what your state requires.
Wishing you all the best with this.
EDIT TO ADD: If you already have your legal ducks in a row, then all that's left is to make peace with the uncertainty. Part of loving someone is accepting the risk of loss. At least you have the courage to take the risk.