This question is for the men/women who have went through a separation, and are married.?

Let me start off with im sorry your going through this it's a hard time and your thoughts are going to be racing.now he said he wants a break, yes he might have another woman on the side or he is thinking of it but hasn't done anything yet but he has to remember that he has kids and can not just up and walk away if you really love this man you will stop being the nice person and put your foot down and set boundaries ok give him his space for a week or two but he is spearting from you not his kids! In the mean time toy enjoy your time away with doing positive activities and positive people .. In the end he should see your a good wife and great mother and rethink his speration

There are a LOT of issues going on here.

But I think it boils down to this,

"I feel like he is walking out on his marriage, and just leaving me and my kids "

Its HIS marriage and YOUR kids.

Even now you seem unwilling to fight for your marriage.

If you aren't going to fight for your marriage who will?

Is it because its not your marriage?

Have you become another fixture in the house? Housekeeper, Mother but not a wife?

He decided he needs a break and you said, okay see you later.........

You held stuff back instead of offering opinion good or bad.

He's living with a maid not a wife.

He's moving out to find out if he even notices that you aren't there.

Set Boundaries? Really?

How about this boundary, "Move out and my lawyer will take you to the freaking cleaners"

How about, "before you do that lets do some couples counseling"

How about, " this separation is to find out if we miss each other so no dating or sex with others while we are still married."

When was the last time you had sex with him? Why does it feel like a while?

You are powerless because you have no emotional value.

The reason you have no emotional value is likely self inflicted.

YOU need therapy.

You both need couples counseling.

Why you won't fight for YOUR marriage is the reason you don't have one.

and this doesn't even begin to touch on the 'MY" children thing.

Therapy is indicated.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope the advice below is helpful.

Firstly: Say the things you need to say. Try to say them calmly and respectfully, but do say them. He's not a mind reader, and you need him to understand your point of view. Even if you're ashamed of some of your feelings, they are your feelings and you are entitled to them. He may well think that you're OK with all this, or even that you don't really care - at least give him the chance to understand how you really feel, and then he can make his decisions with all the information.

Secondly: Yes, set your boundaries. Stop being a passive recipient of his decisions. He s changing your life, you have a say in how that happens. Tell him how much he needs to pay every week to support his children (and you, if you don't work, or half of childcare costs if you do work). Be reasonable but realistic - he doesn't get to walk away without supporting his family financially.

Also tell him when he will see his children - be prepared to negotiate, but be firm. He HAS to have them overnight at least once a week, he HAS to e.g. collect them from school/run them to sports clubs etc (whatever fits your family schedule), he DOES NOT get to walk away from his children - bringing up kids is hard, so make sure he's clear that he'll still be doing his fair share WITHOUT your help in future.

Thirdly: Yes, tell him how long the break is going to be, and that at the end of it he either comes back for good or he never comes back at all. He's messing with your emotions, and trying to break up with you without being man enough to actually face the consequences. Instead he's hoping that doing the "temporary break that never actually ends" will save him from having to deal with your pain and heartbreak. He's being a coward, don't let him get away with it.

He might need some time away from you, he may or may not come back to you, but lay down the law that he still has to live up to his responsibilities as a father. I'm guessing he has some growing up to do and thinks he's going to be living the wild single life again - make sure you disabuse him of that notion.

I wish you all the best whatever happens. Just remember that you're stronger than you think you are, and you deserve better than what you're simply prepared to put up with.

Sorry to be brutally honest - I've been where you are now. Men who say "I want a break" always have another woman in the picture. Always. I can only tell you that you should prepare for this to be a permanent arrangement, so stop being so "nice" about it. See an attorney and get a written agreement about finances, child support, etc. You'll regret it if you don't. Sorry to sound so blunt, but I've heard this story many times and the person who wants the "space" is always seeing someone else.

in my opinion, and that i'm not asserting i'm astounding, separation won't help. i think of you like verbal substitute. consult with a minimum of one yet another concerning the form you the two experience, do not combat approximately it and throw blame and accusations at one yet another. whilst he tells you what you do this bothers him lots, pay attention with an open recommendations and ask him to do the comparable once you're expressing your thoughts. remember, whilst he's speaking, that is HIS thoughts he's expressing and you are going to be respectful of that. In turn, he may be the comparable in direction of you. the biggest situation married couples have is verbal substitute, or loss of. Too many human beings do not understand the thank you to precise their thoughts with out coming in the time of as opposed or throwing blame on their better half. and that they actually do not understand the thank you to pay attention! Being married demands preserving an open recommendations in direction of the feelings of your better half. ordinarily, it is going to become a shouting tournament of who's astounding and who's incorrect quite than a mature communicate approximately why you the two experience the form you do. Marriage, and relationships as an entire, are approximately assembly interior the middle...the two human beings giving and taking an equivalent proportion. If one person needs to constantly ***** and place blame on the different, yet isn't prepared to hearken to the perspectives and comments of their better half and characteristic a actual situation of their thoughts, then it in basic terms won't artwork. Separation won't restoration that. All that does is can provide a non everlasting smash from the combat. that is like a boxing tournament. whilst the bell sounds, the boxers flow to their corners and get a non everlasting smash, yet whilst they flow decrease back into the ring, they %. up astounding the place they left off...battling. talk on your husband. If he relatively loves you and needs it to artwork, he will pay attention to you. And in case you love him and prefer it to artwork, you will pay attention to him too. I want you success. desire this helps somewhat.

Above all things, men want their women to RESPECT and ADMIRE them.

A woman just really wants to be LOVED and ADORED by her husband.

It's the most basic desires we have as men and women.

ALSO....

Men are geared more toward LOGIC and thinking factually.

Women, well yes, we're more emotional and tend to run on feelings.

If you have been on one side of it for too long, of COURSE your husband is going to have had enough. Who wants to have feelings and emotions puked up on their every day of their lives? Men just AREN'T wired to handle and deal with all the feelings and emotions we sprew onto them.

What you NEED to do and MUST do is CROSS OVER to being more FACTUAL.

TUCK in your feelings and emotions and DEAL WITH THE FACTS HERE.

Not saying get rid of them all together, but it just sounds like you're too dam full of your own thoughts, feelings and emotions and you've been seriously neglecting your husband's. YES, your husband does indeed HAVE THEM. Women tend to think their men just don't have them so they neglect them. You're so full of your own that you don't even really think that they might have some to share. And perhaps they recognize this. They just don't want to burden you with their because they SEE you can't even handle your own. OR they are afraid because you'll flip a freakin lid and take them the wrong way and misunderstand them. See, when a man shares with you something personal and you react with utter distaste........or turn it into some kind of personal attack against you, they ARE NOT going to make that mistake again. They begin to shell everything up and deal with it on their own. How healthy a balance is that??????

If you want to see a difference, GIVE HIM something DIFFERENT to REACT TO.

Honest to God, you need to cross over to being more factual in your thinking and more logical.

You can puke up a bunch of feelings and emotions on him OR you can be unemotional about things and SEE things for what they really are.

Feelings really do tend to muddle the REALITY of a situation.

And DON'T WORRY. Worry will kill you.

If there is ANYTHING in this world that you have control over it's this:

Your thoughts

Your feelings

Your emotions

and

Your behavior

The MOMENT you start thinking negative, BLOCK the thought and think about something ELSE.

Deal with FACTS before feelings and your EMOTIONS will come under check.

And your behavior, does it really need more of an explaination?

ANYTHING and EVERYTHING outside of your OWN control is a WASTE of time thinking about and dwelling on. Got it?

Hope this helps!

if you want a separation with conditions, than signed a contract separation between the two of you in what the conditions are..if not, you will not be protected and this may end up in a divorce.

Sorry, I fell asleep half way through chapter one. Can you e-mail me the rest of the freaking book later?