How much thought should I expect my grown kids to put into my Xmas gifts?

You have a spouse/partner -- seek counseling from your local pastoral counselor or religious official (pastor, priest, preacher).

You might be surprised what someone outside your situation has to tell you about how families these days (2010s) are sharing with each other (gift cards, charitable donation, PayPal).

Don't have high expectations that someone here in an online Community / Social Network can see all of the background and cultural expectations that you have raised that extended family with. . .

i hear ya. i'd buy thoughtful gifts for everyone, almost 30 people and kids and all i ever got back is what i call "nursing home gifts"... something you could literally give to any old lady in the nursing home without having ever met her. i don't need any more soap, lotion, candles, picture frames, throw blankets, etc. i'd like something that took some thought or caring. and it doesn't have to be expensive, either. my sister finally came up with a very heavy duty ladle that i love and i know it cost less than $20, but it's a top version of a cheaper item.

you can go a couple of ways with this. either renew your efforts to make them look at your list or start getting passive aggressive about this. so if you want to try again with the amazon list, then strike early next year and be a little self-serving. this time email your list to them early, like in october. tell them that you've had your fill of candy and in your old age, you'd like to at least once get a gift you can love. send it at least a couple more times with a humorous message and somehow make it understood that you only expect them to spend the normal amount, that you don't expect them to buy them all. then when christmas comes, if anyone gives you candy, turn right around and give the candy to their child, right in front of them, saying you can't use it. if they still act like dumb@sses and don't get it, then buy the gifts for yourself, wrap them up and place them beneath the tree. then when they come over to unwrap gifts, unwrap your own gift to you and absolutely rave over how it's perfect and so thoughtful of them and tell them it''s exactly what you wanted!! make sure you continue to send the candy home with them. if you really wanted to have some fun with this, you could subtract the amount of the gifts to yourself from their large cash gift and replace it with the receipts for your gifts!!!! that'd be hoot!!!!

It sounds like it's time to have "the talk."

"Gee kids, you know I love you but now that you're all in your 40s with kids of your own, let's scale back Christmas a bit. We are all fortunate to have everything we need. Your dad and I would like to suggest that instead of us adults exchanging gifts, let's just buy gifts for your kids (the grandkids)."

Do what we did in our family,presents are just for the children,we don't give adults anything,just a card,it used to get silly,i would put money in my son's card,he would put money in mine,what was the point of it all? We had a sit down with everyone in the new year and agreed,now its much better,no one gets crazy about what they get and tensions have gone,we give the children presents until they leave school,they know all about it and accept it.