My Japanese wife is having trouble coping here in the states.?

My grandmother's brother was arranged married to a woman who he later found out had schizophrenia (since childhood). He had promised her parents and her to live in sickness and in health and he did. He died when he was 80 something and she did shortly after. They had 3 beautiful kids together who are now very successful people in life.

Are you going to give up or are you going to put up a fight? The choice is yours.

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My Japanese wife is having trouble coping here in the states.?

Hey there,

I am mostly looking for advice, but some prayer would also be useful. Two years ago while stationed in the military in Japan, I married a Japanese woman who was raised Buddhist and then turned atheist later in life and know next to nothing about Christianity. Every time I try to...

Go back to Japan with her. Japanese have a cultural habit of being polite. She may just not want to trouble you. Look into the military and continuing your service in Japan. Remind her of the vow you took. "In sickness and in health." "For richer or for poorer." "Forsaking all others for as long as you both shall live."

I know it doesn't mean that... if you look at the historical revisions, you can tell pretty easily.

However, here... there... there are problems in each, but there are opportunities in each. Save enough to come back, boost her medication back to where it was, get her comfortable, look for a Japanese/American community in the states.

Hawaii, San-Francisco has Japantown, LA little tokyo, etc...

Good luck.

Eventually, you'll want to come here. That said, there's nothing saying you can't spend a while in Tokyo with HER getting used to YOU so that when she comes to America you're her rock, not necessarily her source of frustration. You could become the piece of home she brings with her, then you could bring her back.

That's my idea. Move with her to Japan until her days with you become routine. Then move to another city in Japan for a while, so things are different... but still Japanese, then move to an area of the U.S. with some Japanese people around... to give her a foothold for her culture, before stepping off.

Island Fever has some good suggestions too. Me, I'm no expert, so take what I say with a grain of salt, that's just what I'd do.

As for the shopping as a therapy, I understand it, but it's not a healthy outlet. I once saw not one but two women with schizophrenia, at two different times, blow a ridiculous amount of money and then regret it, only adding to their stress.

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/tEP5c

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

You can't forget that she has a psychological disorder. I think what might have caused this problem was originally lowering her dosage in Japan when she was "happy". I have experience with a cousin who has schizophrenia. His parents did the same thing because they just wanted a "normal" kid and felt he didn't need the meds but it only made him worse. You can't deal with problems like you would with an adult who has no psychological disorders. She needs medical attention, that's the only way she's going to be okay.

I understand you are Christian and it's great to pray to God, but what she needs right now is to see a professional doctor who can correctly diagnose her and get her the help she needs. Shopping trips to the mall and trips to Japan are not going to help the situation.

I hope you guys make it, just be strong and seek the help of a doctor. I think if she takes proper medication, she'll be the same woman you met in Japan.

Oh and yes get an automatic car, it's much easier to drive and I'm sure once she's on the right meds, she'll enjoy life in the states. It'll just take some getting use to. :)

Make sure she's on the right dosage of meds, get her into group therapy and trade in your car for an automatic.

Forget the religion. Don't even discuss it with her. If you want to go to church, then go to church. Right now, she needs people she can relate to and that sounds like group therapy to me.

She might also do better if she were to get to know other people from Japan. I gave you a link to the JACL (Japanese American Citizens League). There might be a branch in your town or near your town. Once she gets a license and you get that automatic, she'll might be able to participate.

What are her interests? Maybe she should take a class in something or take up a hobby. Does she enjoy cooking, painting, decorating, sewing, drawing...? What does she enjoy?

If I were dropped into a different culture with no outlets or suddenly end up with my in-laws, I'd be a basket case too.

fWow that was a long one. My uncle married a Japanese girl after being stationed in Japan. Your wife has misrepresented to you who she was. I understand that marriage is forever, but when someone says they suffer from one thing and conceal it becaseu they are really suffering from something else - that is deception. If in the end, you wind up divorced, don't blame yourself. there was no way to know that you were being manipulated.

Please make sure that she takes her medication as prescribed. Her excuses that shopping is her only relief is disingenuous and needs to stop. She needs to help built your marriage. if she is incapable then end the marriage and send her back to Japan. Whatever you do, do not have children until these problems are worked out, if ever. No child needs to be brought into this situation.

You sounds like a decent caring person who has been duped into marrying a girl who thinks her hero will take care of all her problems. you can't. please see a pastor and a therapist. i said a prayer for you.

If she isn't willing to accommodate, then she's only making you and herself miserable. Yahoo! Answers won't help with this, all anyone is going to say is "divorce" or "see a therapist".

My recommendations:

- Seek a professional marriage counseling.

- Move back to Japan, if you know that will help her.

- If all else fails, divorce is the only option. Most likely, she will stay in Japan and find a Japanese man she can be happy with. And you can stay in the U.S. and find a spouse here.

edit.

island_fever has some very good suggestions.

I would recommend you and your wife join a support group for people who have mental illness themselves or who have family members with mental illness.

I have a friend with schizophrenia (which, btw, sounds nothing like your wife's illness. I would get a second diagnosis from a psychiatrist if I were you. Since when is "moodiness" the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia?) Anyhow, my friend and her parents belong to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). It has really helped her and her family a lot.

It sounds like you and your wife could both benefit from support for her mental illness so she can become happier and healthier and more involved with your marriage. You're a very good husband and I wish you both the best.

Embrace it dont fight it,it only shows your weakness tell her to cover herself in tattoos if that's what is more important to her than your marriage,,but my guess is ,,this is not the big picture on the other hand its not like shes tattooing her face or hands so chill out man its no big deal... whats at issue here is her respecting your wishes,so say to her ok have a few tattoos my dear, just none that will be visual when we are out in public..my guess is she is going through the mid life crisis where she feels unattractive,,she needs your support not your undermining of her wishes to lift her spirits

Well youve tried everything possible, what more can you possibly do. How about suggesting a little separation with her in Japan and you here in the states. Maybe that will give her some time to think and rethink what she wants her life to be. Shopping at the mall are only small time solutions. Give her some time to herself maybe shell come to her senses. If she doesnt miss you and is wanting to work somehing out within a period of time, then thats your answer. Its you she doesnt love as much.