What IS it, that makes family pick one member to be a "Scapegoat"?

Scapegoat, black sheep is another label for the misfit. Some are, others get chosen for the role. Other families don't have a scapegoat. Not uncommon for large families to have favorites among brothers and sisters.You asked what did you DO? We have no idea if you did or didn't do anything if at all to acquire that label other to be born. Lots of kids are compared to another sibling. Such as why can't you be more like-------- or Jane is the pretty one. It hurts to have labels dished out when each child has their own unique personality. The world is a harsh place and home should be the one place where a person can feel safe. Read A Child Called It. A man name Dave had a childhood beyond belief. After you hear his story and what he became you will know that you can rise above just about anything.

http://www.amazon.com/Child-Called-Childs-Courage-...

Nola, you didn't have to "do" anything. There are different roles within a family structure, and one person is always selected to be the "scapegoat". You don't have to continue to feel the way you do, because people who are unfamiliar with your family say you're just fine. It's a family problem--not yours personally. I was the scapegoat in my family, because I was an only child. People naturally assumed I was a spoiled brat because of that fact, even though my parents were very strict and demanded a lot from me. I also had some odd behaviors, which were later diagnosed as Obsessive Compulsive behavior. Because of that, I have cousins whom I've never seen, because their parents wanted nothing to do with me. One cousin made it her life's mission to tell anyone who would listen that I was "crazy" and she never failed to confront me (always with an audience present) and tell me what a horrible person I was. I haven't seen her in over 40 years, but she continues to spout her vitriol because it makes her feel important. This is the reason people select someone to be the "goat" in the family. It covers up their own insecurities and gives then a sense of self importance. You just go on about your business, knowing that other people think you're just fine, and don't be around these haters any more than is absolutely necessary.

I don't know why your family has chosen to make you a scapegoat. Perhaps it's easier to pick a family member, so they don't have to be held accountable. As you have seen for yourself, strangers don't see you as being normal. It usually takes someone who doesn't know you/your family, to see things as they really are. Don't ever doubt your normalcy for a minute. Start telling yourself, "I am normal." Perhaps your family appointed you as the family scapegoat, because you were so young & maybe you were the youngest member of the family. Being so young, you were unable to reason things out for yourself. We all believe what our parents/older siblings tell us, when we're so young. Once you matured, you figured out that your family decided it was easier to play the blame game, making you their target. That is so sad & downright mean. Chances are, you haven't ever done anything so wrong, that you became the family scapegoat. People who can't take the blame for what they did, find it easier to blame someone else. It's how they deal with things, they can't admit. because they're spineless. Blaming others, makes it easier for them to condone what they've done in the past or will do in the future. Somehow, you have to grow a tougher skin & stop letting them blame you for everything. Just remember, they'll continue to blame you, until you put a STOP to it. It won't be easy, but in time, you'll succeed. If you're 18y/o or older, you'd be smart to move to a place of your own. Once you can do that, then maybe putting some distance between your family & you, would be necessary for a while. If you think that some therapy would help, then go for it. A stranger can offer you some great advice, but go to your sessions, faithfully. I wish you the best & I'm so sorry for the emotional/verbal abuse you've had to endure, all these years.

I come from a fairly dysfunctional family and was often a scapegoat for my 4 siblings.

But over time it became a strength - enabled me to sort out bullies at school and in the workplace, etc.

Kids can be extremely cruel - more than they realise or intend to be - and it's only when we meet a wider circle of people for the first time, make new friends or get on at work that we can get a better view of how well we fit in - or not.

I doubt there's any such thing as 'normal' - pretty well everyone I know (including myself) has some sort of hang-up, oddity or strange behavioural pattern.

Most often, people mask, cover-up or compensate for their own inadequacies or insecurities by picking on others.

One learns that those who do it the most are those who are most insecure - just as bullies are the biggest cowards.

I believe you already know it is not correct to make enjoyable of men and women. What happened to them, might happen to you or someone else. I agree, though, that fighting is not the answer. The best thing to do if anybody makes fun of my family member would probably be just to ask them to discontinue, and inform them they may be being rude, disrespectful, and ignorant.

You have at least 2 choices. You can continue to be a victim or you can ignore it and live your life as you see fit. I have been sucked into my family's lies and drama most of my life. I finally decided it was too exhausting and left the circle of idiots.

I should have done it sooner! Remember the best revenge is to live well. Don't allow it to happen again.

Learn about Carl Jung & archetypes...there is also a book or you can get it on tape The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.

Any good therapist will understand you have taken on this role to help the others. That doesn't mean you are stuck in this position.

I was the scapegoat growing up. There are 4 roles in a dyfunctional family...at least mine was.

hero.....scapegoat.....lost child.....clown/mascot

The worplace is another situation where these roles show themselves.

I Googled "dysfunctional family roles"

I am not familiar with this.

My family most likely did not do this so it is not the way I expect family treat each other.

I was taught that blood is thicker than water and we stick together, no matter what.

It sounds like your family is very dysfunctional to have you believe this is normal behavior.

I cannot explain it, but I do not that not all families do it. My sister tried to make me the one that was always at fault, because she was angry that I was born and she was no longer the only child in the family. Oh well.