Writing what a character thinks in third person?

Your sentence is perfectly fine and correct. But another way to write it could be, "Oh God, Danny thought, was she going to..." Putting 'Danny thought' in the middle of the sentence makes it look better. Hope this helped you..

Well, the question got buried in the TMI, so maybe your question isn't the best question to ask.

That's not a very good internal thought. It's telling, instead of showing. If Danny's thinking this, he already knows what Tommy was talking about, so there's no reason for him to think it out. Let me show what I mean with an example.

"Jim, go to the store and pick up some milk for me," Mom said.

"I'm playing World of Warcraft," Jim thought. "I don't want to go to the store and pick up milk for Mom."

Jim answered, "Yes, Mom."

See? Jim already knows what Mom wants, so he doesn't have to go with telling it all. The "I'm playing World of Warcraft" is enough, just like the "Oh god, was she really going to tell Mr. Young?" is enough. And, really, it's still telling, because his actions and the next thing he said, would show it much better than telling what he's thinking.

She tells him she's going to Mr. Young.

Danny's jaw dropped. He grabbed her arm and yelled...

And, as for how to show internal dialog/thought, there are three ways to do it. None of them include skipping some form of punctuation or formatting, (like you wrote it without using quote marks or italics--italics being the last choice--and you might not have even needed "he thought" is the third choice of how to do internal dialog.) I recommend the book "Self-Editing for the Fiction Writer."

Do you need a question mark? Well, technically, yes, but you need so much less it doesn't matter.

It is a statement and not a question. You can also indicate the degree of shock the character felt by adding an exclamation point. OMG was she really going to tell....Danny thought!

Grammatically speaking, thought dialogue should always be in first person. What you have here is at it's core incorrect. However, if it was in first person, you would not put a question mark after "Danny thought".

In a third person novel, it is correct to use first person and italics or these 'quotation marks' when a character is thinking.

A correct edit would be:

Oh God. Am I really going to tell Mr. Young that Tommy was talking about oral sex with another student?

That sentence can either be in italics or single 'quotation marks'.

Perfectly fine but I always put single inverted commas over thoughhts e.g. 'Oh etc' Good luck with your writing

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