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How do I get my husband to ask his own parents the tough stuff?
I have been through the death of my own father, following 5 yr battle with congestive heart failure, fear my mother could lose all their assets if he needed nursing care and ending with in home hospice death, since then establishing a trust. Then my grandma went into nursing home, just due to aging and inability to remain home alone, and she died. All of what we have been through makes you realize you do need the wishes, arrangements and even financial status of loved one (parents, grandparents) known and understood. My husband is not that close with his parents, but these issues do need to be discussed. His brother is supposedly their executor, a brother that has a less stable home life (divorced, lives with soc sec disabled partner, & we get collection calls for this brother). How do you approach a needed, but awkward conversation?
Issues that have came up remind my husband of how little he and his brother know of what to do in an emergency. Example: Few months ago both parents went to other state, vacation traveled with family friends from one side of nation to other, they were all in car accident, hospitalized overnight and it was again a reminder neither son, in actuality, would know what to do if they had ended up in hospital longer, or even passed away. This brother, even though the executor, also doesn't really know what he is supposed to do and also won't ask.
5 Answers
- SondraLv 68 years agoFavorite Answer
It's frustrating when you think you're own husband is smarter than he actually is. If he can't "get it" after everything you've personally been through along with the accident and hospitalization of his own parents, then he's obviously incapable of handling anything important. I suggest that you handle all the finances within your home because that is within your control. Your inlaws finances are obviously outside of your control, so there's nothing you can do about it because you can't magically wave a wand and make your husband smart.
- ?Lv 68 years ago
You may ask if they have plans regarding certain “issues” but you have no right to delve into their finances..that is way-way beyond your need to know and may be an invasion of privacy; UNLESS you are asked.
Keep in mind that if they do impart allot of personal and finacial information to you what are your plans to do with that information? Also, do you have the knowledge and skill to deal with such financial matters?
Be very careful for what you ask for..you may just get it and then YOU will be on deck for the resolution.
- seedy historyLv 78 years ago
Unless or until your husband takes it upon himself to rebuild his relationship with his parents as a loving and caring son, suggesting that the choices they have already made are not sound and the implication that he, who knows zilch about it, would be a better executor of their estate than the child they have chosen to be so is extremely presumptive and quite rude.
- trish bLv 78 years ago
You don't need to,just leave it. If your brother-in-law is executor,that means his parents have made a will so their wishes will be already documented. If his parents wanted to discuss their wishes,they would bring it up themselves.
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- 8 years ago
As hard as it is be up front and forward it's hard but you should get respectful answers when not beating around the bush
