My bf is in the army...?

Question

... and he's coming back next week after 6 months of service. We didn't actually knew each other for a long time before he left, but we fell in love, and we kept the contact for all these months - we talked on the phone, on skype, almost every day. 
I know that he can't always talk about his job, cause it's a secret, but...sometimes he behaves strangely, and I cannot know if it's the army and what he lives/sees there, or maybe he has changed his mind about our relationship. We're really close, we always speak with a lot of love and tenderness, but sometimes he just stops talking to me as his GF and he's cold, distant, he ignores me... One day we talk for hours, the next day he doesn't say a word. If I ask what's up, why he's like that, am I disturbing or sth - he answers by... questions such as: "you don't know that I can't chat at work??" (and we did it for 6 months every day..); then I say that it'll be ok if he just says sth to make me feel good, as I did, and I hear: "What's up with you, you have a problem?".  I want to be comprehensive, I know some army wives who tell me that it happens quite often that their men are strange or hard to recognize... but I don't know if I should wait patiently or just don't tolerate that hurting behaviour. When he's like that, a normal talk is impossible. But if I don't talk to him at all and wait - he'll come and say that I don't understand his job, I'm not there for him, etc, etc... It's silly to do that just before his homecoming, but I don't know if in this case we will even meet next week...What do you think?

? · Accepted Answer

Well, just try and imagine what he's going through: intense training, hostile environment, strict code of conduct, and loads of distance from family, friends and love interests! He might have off days because of work circumstances, or just because he's brooding over something.

You should be the judge of just how many hurtful comments you're willing to take, but never sabotage your own confidence and happiness for a man - whatever his profession, position in life or whatever.  True, his position is difficult and he's entitled to dealing with feelings however he sees fit (in psychology, his is submissive anger: he can't direct his anger at his generals or whoever hands out the bad treatment, and so to cope with anger he lashes out to people who love him and respect him because they can handle it). Perhaps talk to his family about him, see how they're copying with his absence? See whether he sometimes acts mysterious and quiet with them too? Offer his family support, understanding and company, especially if you think a future is possible between you and their son/brother/whatever.

Perhaps Skype with him less often? A couple of times every week for an hour or so, instead of every day? That way, he'll look forwards to talking to you and he'll have more to tell within that space of time, and he'll be less likely to go quiet and snappish on you.

Hope this helps, hon, and best of luck!!

marconi · Answer

tell him all your emotions such as you in undemanding terms defined on your question..... and there must be underlying motives of why he desires to connect the army in step with hazard for the money and connect up bonus or for the discipline. see if in step with hazard there are different suggestions (i dunno like the shield or something) that may no longer final as long or he be deployed as long. additionally, even in spite of the undeniable fact which you're 18, you're able to evaluate how extreme the relationship is and what the plans are for the different and collectively!! in case you get married they are going to flow you to the place he's doing practise and so on (no longer deployment). finally in spite of the undeniable fact that ensure which you do no longer weigh down his aims or what he desires to try this is going to finally end up being greater tragic than following him around as he pursues a occupation.

Chris S · Answer

Honestly, it comes with the job sometimes. I've noticed it myself. There's a reason we have trouble holding down long term relationships.

████████ · Answer

It's possible that he may be banging a USO chick in his camp.

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My bf is in the army...?

4 Answers