How to put your marriage before your illness?

Question

I have an incurable bladder disease.  My case is very severe and thus far Dr's have no lucrative answers (no treatment has worked).  I am 21 and recently married to a wonderful, loyal,  selfless man.  My illness, however,  often takes over our marriage and he becomes my care taker rather than my husband.  I am seeking advice because I cannot seem to make our marriage first and my illness second. I am also terrified that if we can't do this now,  then one day when I am better,  we won't know how to be husband and wife,  but be stuck in the patient and care taker dynamic. Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated.

Tootsie · Accepted Answer

this should make u closer as well as getting to know each other better and I know that's not  what u want to here but your illness cannot come 2nd because u would not be here for him to luv u. if u don't have life and I think he cares enough to see u through this hard times. u have 2 look at the bigger pic, just worry about getting well and the rest will kick in. he luvs u dearly and if he though he was waisting his time then he would have left a long time ago. keep god 1 st and have faith that this will pass from u  both,

samiamrd · Answer

Let him take care of you in your time of need.  It is for better or worse.  This is worse.  If you get better, you can easily go back to the way that it should be. Then you will be back on equal ground and you can take care of him in his time of need.  Put your illness first and get better.  If you do not recover,  it may kill him.   You are a team, sometimes one team member needs a little more.  This is your time.  You did not ask for this at 21 and you should not be going through this at 21, but we all have to carry our burden.  Just concentrate on getting better.

janetrmi · Answer

You are wise to be concerned. A study was done where it was shown that men eventually leave their wives that have disabilities, but it is the opposite for women when their husbands have disabilities. Apparently, men are wimps.

I would ask your doctor if he knows of a support group for people that have bladder diseases. If there is not one in your town, then look on line. I have no doubt you will be able to find one.

? · Answer

If he's a real man, like the guy that already answered, he'll stick by his vows.

it's tough to say whether he is or not, since most guys aren't... sadly.
If he were older, like in his 40's or older, you probably wouldn't have anything to worry about.

Hopefully he man's up and sticks with you.
if he does, he's a keeper.


I'll send a prayer out for you... I hope everything goes well.

Dave · Answer

I was married, my wife became ill and eventually died from her illness, I signed on "In sickness and in health" and I meant it, when you're married you do what you have to.....

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How to put your marriage before your illness?

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