For cheaters or those who have cheated; what were your reasons for not leaving the relationship first?

Well.. I cheated and promptly ended my marriage within 6 weeks of meeting another man.

My marriage did not get to that point in a mere 6 weeks. I had been miserable for years but I had kids to raise (youngest with Sotos Syndrome) so I stayed until they were grown.

We were not having sex and hadn't for about 7 years, so he was not being deprived of anything. He was the one who stopped having sex with me, not the other way around. And he destroyed any love I had for him along the way.

I was the sole provider for years, begging him to contribute to no avail. HIs contribution following, my sometimes 13 hour days, was to vacuum the rug and clean up the kitchen. Something that may have taken 30 minutes out of his day.

When I lost my job due to a workplace injury that took 2 years to recover from.. he still didn't get off his *** and get a job. He was happier standing in the line at the food bank to see what we could get for "free". Because playing flight sim and smoking pot all day was more important to him than working.

I didn't leave earlier because I had kids to raise, therapies to attend and follow through with, with my youngest.

But I needed some human intimate contact because I was on empty and I had nothing left go give.

I also did not cheat with multiple men.. after 23 years of marriage.. I met one man and am still with him.

The married man I met and became involved with, was also in a place where his marriage was dead and he had a child he wouldn't leave. I was 46 and he was 45 at the time.

I did not chase him or seduce him.. this is a mutual, consensual relationship and always has been. We both choose to be in this relationship together. We both went into it with our eyes wide open knowing the other was married at the time.

We were both looking for something.. and we found it in each other. That was 5 years ago and we are still seeing each other. I am now happily divorced, he is still married (for reasons I totally agree with) but that has zero bearing on our feelings for each other or the way we conduct our relationship. Which is actually the most amazing connection we have ever experienced.

There are no black and whites in these situations and no one knows until they have been there what it is like. People can assume and judge all they want but they really have no clue.

No one knows what it is like to be in a place where you feel so stuck, that you search out any kind of intimate contact... just to feel human again.

Have you ever watched the show called UNFAITHFUL on the OWN channel?

Many people had their own reasons for cheating and staying in the relationship. Some cheaters did leave their spouse and in the process of divorcing until problems arose with their flings. Then they were begging for a second chance with their spouse.

Cheaters never realize the pain and emotional suffering they project onto their spouse. Cheaters feel the spouse should just get over it. They don't understand how it feels to be betrayed.

This is what I think I understand about what my wife did.

1) I'm a good guy. A good provider. Stable and nice. Made life a lot easier for her. She wasn't going to leave that because she knows she's not capable of keeping her own **** together by herself.

2) She believes in some kind of magical fate and chemistry so that she was destined to screw around with this other guy and she's can't really be held to blame for it. Who can deny fate and chemistry?

3) She figured I was the wrong one allowing problems to develop. So even though I got the wake up call and was trying to work on it, she still was entitled to neglect me in our relationship and continue the thrilling new side action because she felt neglected by me at one time.

4) She was just fine staying in the relationship with me. She thought I was a great husband. She just had no intention of doing anything to make our marriage better or spend time with me or improve our communication, nor of stopping her relentless selfish pursuits of 3 nights a week out dancing or irresponsible spending, etc.

I have never had the need to cross that line. However, I do have a girlfriend who cheated on her husband for years. The reason why she didn't end it was because she wanted her cake and eat it too....she enjoyed the lifestyle that her husband provided her, much better than the scumbags she was screwing. Had she divorced her husband in her 30's, she would have still been hot enough looking to find a decent guy who she was happy with, but instead, she waited until her mid 50's to divorce.. Now she doesn't look too good and she is struggling to meet someone. I hate to tell her "I told you so", but....I'm not feeling too much pitty.

i cheated on my amazing husband and i am really sorry and regretful.i was a moron.this other guy was really nice to me and he was genuinly in love with me.at first i hated him for that but as the time passed i started enjoying it.he was giving me the attention i needed from my husband.my husband is so busy with his job and doesnt give me as much love as i need.so i dont know why i made this mistake and i started an emotional affair.my reason for staying was my love for my husband and my excuse was my needs.i knew my husband loved me to death and i was the only one he had but i kept my relationship with that other guy.caused he fullfilled my needs.emotional changed to physical.it was hot and very exciting.my husband found out after sometimes and he was devastated.i never forget the look on his face.it was then i understood what i was doing.luckily my husband forgave me.he still doesnt pay enough attention to me but i now know how important he and his feelings are to me.i hurt two people.my husband and my lover.that poor guy....

They are stupid, selfish pigs/whores.