Was this rape...Happened so long ago but still plays on my mind.?

Question

This happened many years ago and has played on my mind over and over again. The thing that I keep wondering is, Was this rape?

I was casually dating a guy and I was still a virgin(he was not). He constantly made it known what he wanted and pushed for it. There were times where he would force my mouth onto his penis, and I didn't know what to do (as in I didn't want to, but was afraid of getting in trouble/getting him into trouble if I called out). 

One time he bit my neck and said he would not let go until I said we could have anal sex. i didn't want to, but he wouldn't let go. I thought he was going to break the skin with his teeth, and finally i agreed. I told him not to go off inside of me, but he did anyways.

I felt ashamed of myself and dirty. But i finally agreed to do it in order to make the pain from his bite stop. I had a huge bruised mark on my neck, which I tried to hide as best as i could with concealer and wearing my hair down and scarves. 

I still don't understand if I was raped or not, because i ended up agreeing to stop the pain. I'm obviously no longer seeing this guy and it happened so long ago but still plays on my mind. I think of it every time I have to expose myself for a woman's appointment and every time a stranger says something provocatively.

Any advice on how to get past this?

MissA · Accepted Answer

Yes, you were raped.  If you said "Okay, we can have sex" with a gun to your head, you were raped too... you have to be able to *freely* consent to sex for it to be consensual.  You do not have to fight to the death in order for it to be rape.

I think it'd probably be good to talk to a counselor about your lingering issues.  The link below has some good resources.

m! · Answer

im so sorry honey, its insane how evil and twisted some people are. yes you were raped the only reason you agreed was because you had no other choice and im sure he would have hurt you if you refused. this is not something you should be ashamed of. you did not do anything wrong its the guy that did something horrible, wrong and shameful. you should find a hotline for rape victims and call them, they will im sure give you peace of mind.

dont let people hurt you and bring you down. you did nothing wrong/bad. 

best of luck to u.

? · Answer

Yeah, it was.  Most predators, and he was one, are careful to cover their tracks.  People like that work on your self-confidence and break you down.  My suggestion is that you forgive yourself and then pick up a copy of "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker.

This book tells you how criminal predators (not just rapists) select their victims.  It also talks of the importance of trusting your instincts and why your instincts will protect you when reason cannot.  I have read that book through at least three times.  I firmly believe that it can save your life.  Please reserve a copy from the library or buy one so you can learn to identify these mind games in the future.

vespa · Answer

It's only a Flesh Wound? It can be only a flesh wound, those now not wounded will say but it surely's the mind in that second that takes us away the act and the speak younger boy cannot compute so he drifts away to happier places that swimsuit the notion of getting smooth with hang-out him continually regardless of long, sizzling showers, this dirty feeling, it stays the fish he hates in view that escape they have got observed however to the boat, and the daddy, this boy is ever bound.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it was rape. I'm so sorry you were put in a position like that.

Cassandra&#39;s dream · Answer

u should've just pushed him off or strike him to get him to stop biting u, u shouldn't have agreed to anal sex

Mj Guzman · Answer

Have fun and forget that dumbass made to you. gaah. If he loves you, he's willing to wait. May god bless you

ridingorracing · Answer

yes it was rape.

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Was this rape...Happened so long ago but still plays on my mind.?

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