I’m sick of it…I am sick of myself. I am totally disgusted, tired of myself.I feel like I want to talk to boys?

I want to have a relation badly.And recently in a conversation with friends ( a , b) I found since now no one has ever proposed me.I’m 20 now. How shameful is that for a girl? Am I so ugly? no. Then why? My friends(both female) were laughing so much so I got so nervous & I lied to them. I told 4 names of imaginary boys names that they proposed me. But it never happened.

Then I found- from 4 names on one person I got crush myself,not that he got. But he does not know this. I will never tell him either. But the problem is I told another friend (c) about it ( the truth-I got crush on “x” ) Now “c” knows “b”… I’m afraid now if “c” and “b” talks and finds out dissimilarity in what I told them, will totally laugh at me sooo poorly. How am I gonna manage this now???

I am soooo much worried about it and I am TOTALLY SICK of myself that why I lie sometimes & why I feel like I really need a relation. I feel dying to have a relation. I don’t find anyone interested in me.But I badly want to have a relation. I think I am creating many scenes in many places of my daily life that people are also laughing may be behind me and all because I want a relation. And that is automatically shown. What can I do now?? Pleeeeease help me people…