Comments on my original song?

Too many lyrics. That chorus is so big it won't stick in anyone's head.

This song I wrote has the most lyrics of any I've written to date. See how the chorus is more repetitive and succinct.

The Bed You’ll Lie In

You told me a week ago

Of boxes left behind

You said if I needed them, you'd drop by

But the answer I already know

Those are boxes you didn't find

I don't know what to say to you since the day you said goodbye

I gave it everything

I gave you everything

Sacrificing so much pride

Wild abandon became

Abandoning a dream

Pushing me and boxes to the side

Still, you never ran too far

As friends and family played their hand

A piece of mail, a business call - little ways to say you're still tryin'

Now that new car in your yard

Says your heart must now make a stand

Cause if love isn't dead

You're making the bed you'll lie in

INSTRUMENTAL BRIDGE

Listening to a snake dancer’s laughter

At the careless tack you’ve chosen

To choose not to undo the wrong

You will marry so soon after

The love we had turning frozen

Not wanting to see if I was gone

I gave it everything

You gave up everything

Sacrificing so much pride

Wild abandon became

Abandoning a dream

Pushing me and boxes to the side

Still, you never ran too far

As acquaintances would demand

Promises sold to a stranger, too sad to look back cryin'

You have ruffed a cold trump card

Though you cannot win the hand

Cause if love isn't dead

You’re making the bed that you'll lie in

INSTRUMENTAL BRIDGE #2

I gave it everything

You gave up everything

Sacrificing so much pride

Wild abandon became

Abandoning a dream

As all friendship and romance has died

Still is the night without a star

Any wish draws reprimand

The short, hard truth, now there’s no denyin’

This has truly gone too far

And the timer is out of sand

Cause if love isn't dead

You’ve just made the bed that you'll lie in

Cause if love isn't dead

You’re making the bed that you'll lie in

Even if love isn't dead

I’ve made the bed I'll lie in

Laughing Dolphin Music

I think it is pretty good. But I don't know if it is a country song or rock or rap or something else.

Try smoothing it out some more. Make the lyrics flow.

It's an original poem until I hear music or see it written out with music along side.