So angry at my husband. What should I do?

Question

Here is how my husband deals with things. Whenever things get really bad between us, he goes and gets drunk with his friends. Since being married 2.5 years, he had done this 2 times. This last time, he showed up to work 4.5 hours late, almost got fired, and went to go see his family. His family lied to me about his whereabouts. Had his boss not called me asking where he was, I would have never known. I am deeply saddened because I was so worried about him that I even asked my family if they had heard from him. So basically everyone knows. I decided to confront his mother about all the lies (she covers for him) and we got into it pretty bad.... by this I don't mean name calling... I just mean I told her how I felt no support from her and feel saddened that her son cannot confront things because of the way she raised him. It was bad drama and I initially wanted to end it, but I still feel attached and emotionally overwhelmed with this decision. I, however, am angry because when my spouse lost his job for 6 months, I took care of him all by myself.... his family never thanked me and when I asked my spouse to stand up for me, he couldn't tell her I was right. I feel so torn and betrayed because he won't stand up for me. I feel that this is a tie breaker for me, but it deeply saddens me and I don't know what to do. I'm wondering what other wives do to cope with this anger that I have toward my spouse. I love him and want to run from him, but I stop myself because I am so angry at the fact that he did not defend me. I have no intension of making amends with his family, but I wish he would just stand up for me. Is it too much to ask for?

Update:

I don't go behind my spouse's back. I confronted his mom in front of him and this was the first time in the 8 years that I've known him that I did this.

Sue C · Accepted Answer

Honey, you DO have in law problems & I don't feel they are going to go away unfortunately. Why don't you allow a Professional counselor to help unravel this mess for you. It won't concern either of you & what you have to say. It will strictly be done by a counselor who know how to deal in situations like yours. This way they can put NO blame on you, & hopefully you'll get things straightened out for the best for good. Think about it seriously & see if that would be the best way to handle things....all the best to you, honey...:)

? · Answer

You have a very bad problem reacting to your husband.  Instead of responding and waiting for a good time to bring up issues, you react and blow your stack.. He probably runs to his family for support when feeling this from you.  You two are so out of connection that this has happened.  That is the sad part.  You need to calm down and communicate calmly with him about things.  You confronted his family and mother specifically blaming her for the way she raised him.  Keep yourself away from confronting.  Your anger issues defile many.  They don't have to 'thank' you for anything.  You should not go behind your husband's back and blame his mom.  You need to focus on yourself and change yourself not him.  You can't have it both ways.  Do you think it helps if you 'have no intention of making amends with his family?'  You seem bitter and angry with them too.  You need to join a 12 step group or other support group so you can learn why you do the things you do, and react so strongly.   You are the one who maintains the temperature of the marriage.  Be kind.  Count your blessings on the good things your husband does.  Be supportive, and positive.  Look forr the best in what he does, and support him.

Liz · Answer

You married an immature little boy and an immature little boy's behaviour is what you're dealing with.  You have to choices:  Wait until he grows up on his own which might mean you wasting years and years of your life, or insist that he attend marriage counselling with you.  If he refuses, you know the marriage is over.

Eyes Wide Open · Answer

i read what you wrote - but im also wondering about the "inbetween the lines" part you never mention.  so how do you contribute to these arguments?  everything you say is his fault.  wrong.  it takes two to fight.  so what role do you play inthe fights?  do you criticise him? call him names? break him down?  a guy getting drunk once a year for being hen pecked which i think just might possibly be happening here, is an angel for not doing it every week lol.  you fight with him.  you fight with his family.  you refuse to be friends or say sorry to any of them.  you seem to be quite the common denominator here.  so what is your responsibility and role in this breakdown?

Annette · Answer

you have to either accept how he is that he wont ever defend you, or leave him. He is already set in his ways and you cant control his action that he makes, he is a grown man. As for as his family, they will lie for him because that's what they always did and that wont change either. So either talk with him about his actions, or leave him.

Anonymous · Answer

my parents the same way but wait because eventually he will get a job a really good one and if he gunna be a *** to u leave him and make him feel the pain he put you through and when he realizes what he has done to you to get this situation that far he will step up his game and become a better person and will do good for you

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So angry at my husband. What should I do?

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