why do i still feel like this?

Question

in febuary i sold my first and only horse. i ended up selling her because i was at school, and no body was able to ride her and there was no way for me to take her with me, i tried leasing her out, and after many people came out to look at leasing her, my mom maade me put her up for sale, and a girl who is about 14, but lives almost 3 hours away. we delievered her to the farm, at it was a good place. clean and it looked like she would get well cared for. i felt releaved at the time, but as the days went on, i started feeling more and more sad. and regreting the decision, i try to talk to the people that bought her, but i haven't heard anything back from them in a long time. i told them that if they ever wanted to sell her or get rid of her i would take her back. i miss her so much, i am currently leasing a horse from one of my friends but she is super busy with 2 jobs and her life, that she doesn't have time for me to ride her horse. i am currently in counseling for depression, not just related to selling my horse, but my life has been a bit unsavory the past few months. and i just want to know why i still feel so sad, i remember all the good times i've had with my horse and it opens up a whole new wound, and i feel as if i dropped her off yesterday. help please

Claire · Accepted Answer

This is completely natural. I have lost long time pets and friends. At first it'll feel really really bad. But soon you'll understand that what you did was good for your horse, now your horse has someone to be with.Soon your memories of your time together won't be " bitter" but " Bitter-sweet" . You can always ask to go visit. Just be happy you have the opportunity to lease a horse.

zephania666 · Answer

Depression is a terrible thing.  It creeps into every aspect of your life and seems to taint everything, and makes you obsess over things that have happened, magnifying them until they are overwhelming.

You're mourning for the horse, but more than that, you're mourning the life you had then, which seems so much better than the life you have now - at least in retrospect.  

You say you're at school...  is this your first year?  Could you be homesick as well?  Do you have good friends at school, or are you lonely?  

All these are things that contribute to and are affected by depression.

Ultimately, depression is caused by an imbalance in brain chemicals - usually serotonin levels.  These can be helped immensely through medications such as Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro, etc.  Counseling is good, but depression is not something you can talk yourself out of - it's a physical condition.  I strongly recommend seeing a doctor who can prescribe meds, and talk to him/her about what you're feeling.  He/She will be able to determine if meds are appropriate.

I've had bouts of depression/anxiety over the years, and found that meds work far better than talking or trying to will my way out of it.  These drugs aren't necessary forever; I've found that years can go by without taking them, then a sudden stress throws me off again.  Stress and/or pain deplete serotonin, causing depression, but once I get it under control again I can go off the meds again.

Don't worry that you haven't recently heard from the people that bought her.  It seems like a long time to you, but it's only been five months total.  If you overdid it and contacted them too often, they may just feel it's time for you to separate.  It probably doesn't mean anything's wrong with the horse. 

Truly, life can be good again.  Being sad has its place, but when it's all the time or overwhelming it's time to get help.  Good Luck.

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why do i still feel like this?

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