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When you get to heaven...?
Three men died and reached heaven at the same time. St Peter met the first man and said "You may enter, but whatever you do, do not step on a duck"
St Peter opened the pearly gates and the floor of heaven was covered with ducks. The first man took three of four steps but then accidentally stood on a duck. St Peter was straight there; he brought the most ugly woman with him who was hairy, smelly and dirty. He tied the woman to the man and said "Right, your penance is to be tethered to this woman for eternity"
He then let the next man into heaven with the same instruction; not to step on any ducks. Unfortunately, this man also stood on a duck after a few minutes. St Peter was furious and brought another woman, this time far worse than the first; ugly, smelly, burping and farting. "Your penance is to be tethered to this woman for eternity"
Now, the third man was let into heaven. He decided to stand still so he wouldn't tread on a duck. He remained still and after about ten minutes, St Peter came over with a most gorgeous woman; great looks and fantastic body, and promptly tethered her to the man.
"Wow" said the man "I can't believe what I've done for this"
"Well" said the woman, "I don't know about you but I just trod on a duck"