How to talk to a guest in your house?

I would prefer answers from grandparents over 50. Remember that unkind answers are usually reported, if not by the injured party, by a third party.

I'll give you a little background information. While my son was in school in Europe he had a one time encounter with an older woman which resulted in a beautiful little girl. She left Europe and returned to the United States as soon as she found out about the pregnancy. He found out about the pregnancy through a third party when she was eight months pregnant. It took him a couple weeks to find her information in the US. When he contacted her she told him that she would put the child up for adoption. I offered to keep the kid. The kid is now 4 years old, she kept her and is raising her with her mom in a different state. She told him that she would give the child the same name as her dogs and cats. I believe that she was trying to hurt him. That's beside the point. I would have preferred to have my grand kids born in the sacrament of marriage but that wasn't the case.

Three years ago, my daughter and I contacted the mother. My son was still in Europe. I sent her money for the kid's birthday and she expressed the wish to meet us. I sent her the money for the trip. She came and stayed a whole month. It was a very difficult visit and I was counting the days until she left. Let's just say that we have been raised differently. She has no sense of privacy, she is lazy and unclean. She baths every three to five days. She doesn't wash her hands before she touches food. She fed her daughter every hour even if she didn't ask for food and would leave the dirty diaper in the house for hours. It was a very difficult visit but I put up with it for my son's sake.

I have sent presents for both of them which she never acknowledged.

I made up my mind never to see her again because I could not get used to her ways. This year she invited herself and decided to stay a month . She didn't even ask me if it was convenient. She told my daughter that she was coming as if it was her god given right to do so. After she arrived she told me that she had asked one of her male friends to come with her. I asked her where he would have slept and she replied. "Here, I thought you had more space." What she meant is that she did not expect me to have another guest at the house. My daughter's girlfriend whom I've know since she was in first grade has been staying with me. This woman has been at my house for ten days now and is driving me crazy. She has taken over my house. She told me to remove the ugly picture that I have in my dining room, to repaint my downstairs bathroom because it was ugly. She says whatever comes out of her mouth then she says she was kidding. She does it also with my granddaughter. My daughter's niece by marriage is very tall for her age. She is ten years old and is already five feet and six inches. She told her, you are going to be a big and tall amazon woman who climbs trees. I didn't want to make a big deal of it for the kids sake but I could tell that the little girl was shocked. This woman who calls herself my daughter in law has taken over my house. She searches through everything, reads my letters, take things from the refrigerator or the pantry without asking, overfill the child's plate and wastes a lot of food. She does not clean after herself. She went into my basement without permission, removed my clothes from the washer and put hers. Yesterday she went to visit a relative and left her clothes in the washer even though she won't be back until today. I thinks she wants to help and tries too hard. She offered to do minor repairs in my house. She is good at that type of stuff. She is insistent when I refused. I allowed her to do it. I plan to give her some money before she leaves. She doesn't want leave the house, stays late at night on the computer, and sleeps until 1:00pm. . I have had no privacy. She is all over the house. She tried to open my bedroom door while I was in it. Luckily it was locked. She is 35 and has never held a full time job, lives with her mother. She does occasional jobs like house repairs. She says that she is a certified welder but does not work in that field. I believe that she wants to move in with me. She mentioned it before and yesterday she said that she should come to visit more often. It won't be possible. My son is coming back from Europe in October and since they never had a relationship, if she visits again, I would have to put her up in a hotel. want to talk to her about her ways but because I don't want to embarrass a guest in my house, I want some advice about how to go about it. She is now more comfortable in my house than I am. I'm afraid that I may not see my granddaughter again until she is 18 and asks to see me.

Going crazy in Illinois