How is this writing for a 15 year old girl? (my book)?

It sounds a bit awkward with the first person present, especially considering you switch back to past tense for half of it ;)

At the beginning, you use an unneeded "as". That sentence will sound much better if you get rid of it, and say: "He unties me and puts my glasses back on my face. I blink three times to clear my vision". After that go into saying about the kidnapper.

You use another unneeded "as" a bit further on too ... "Pulling me by my hair, ripping my shirt apart as he stares at me". Try: "He pulls me up roughly by my hair (say if it hurts, what she feel etc.), rips my shirt apart and stares at me with a blank expression".

Try to remember the one golden rule of dialogue as well; no entire conversation should ever go in the same paragraph. Whenever someone talks, you start a new line. It should look like this:

"Now you know who I am, don't you Michelle."

I was in complete shock, I was so shock I couldn't put my words together to even speak.

""I...I...I....I.... I'm sorry," I apologize.

Like that. Don't have it all in the same paragraph. Picking up any published fiction will help you, if you want to "study" this rule. Also, be careful with your tense! "I was" is past tense, whereas "he puts" is present. Pick one tense and stick to it.

Overall, it seems like a good storyline, but you just need to tidy up things a bit. I also think you need to experiment and find a writing style which really suits you - at the moment, your present tense if coming off as a bit awkward. That's OK though, because a lot of authors struggle with it. Just practice, and brush up on your general description and formatting.

I think this is really good. It certainly is intense and keeps the reader's attention. I just wish you had included more here because it would be interesting to know how Michelle ruined Bryan's life and it would be interesting to know how old they are now. Because a really interesting spin on this could be that she doesn't know who he is right away, because so much time has passed, and he says or does things that jog her memory. But this is excellent so far. Good luck!

Untying me, he puts my glasses on my face

maybe "back on my face", as I suspect he's they guy who took them?

as I blinked three times.

The first bit was present tense. (takes) This part is past tense. (blinked) You need to make them agree..

I blink once my visions were still blurry,

Vision, not visions.

the second time I could see just a little,

A little what?

the last time I blinked I could see I saw

I could see I saw - pick one.

my kidnappers face, I knew who he was, I just couldn't believe it was him.

Don't play with us, just tell us who he is.

Pulling me by my hair, ripping my shirt apart as he stares at

This is good action, we need more vivid detail. Put yourself in you MC's place. Imagine what she experiences. Pain, sound of shirt, cool air now rushing around her breasts, kidnapper's aftershave or body odor, total panic.

Also, if you say "at" you have to tell us at what.

with a blank expression, "Now you know who I am, don't you Michelle."

Decent line for a scary guy. But a question ends in a question mark.

I was in complete shock, I was so shock

I think you mean "shocked." You have also just jumped back to past tense.

I couldn't put my words together to even speak, "I...I...I....I.... I'm sorry"

That's a really interesting reaction. I'm now hooked to see why she apologizes to her kidnapper.

I apologize to him.

You didn't need to put this in.

"Doesn't matter now, it's a little to late to apologize for what you did... It's now your turn to know how it feels to be taken from your family, you'll know how it feels to be tortured, you will feel the pain I had to feel, and you will NEVER EVER MAKE IT OUT OF HERE ALIVE!" he said.

You are moving just a little fast. I might have had him leave her alone for a while, to think over her predicament.

Out of nowhere I had flashbacks about him,

Not out of nowhere at all. She's right in front of him and he's threatening to kill her. Try "I remembered him."

his name was Byran, a innocent 13 year old

not sure if I like the word "innocent"

when I ruined his life for good, now known as a sex offender

The way you wrote this, it refers back to 'I" Break it down, don't be in such a hurry. "Now he was known as a..."

when he never did a thing to me, I knew I was wrong but at the time I was 11 and I didn't see or understood what I did until it was to late.

This is rushed. You are in too big a hurry to get your story out. You already have us hooked. I'd do the whole action scene between the two characters, then have him leave her alone, then do a really vivid flashback to this and make it a whole chapter.

Also, the word is "too" "too late."

Coming back as I stare him in his eyes,

You just flipped back to present tense.

I cried, "I'm sorry for what I did when I was 11, I'm sorry that you had to spend years in juvenile... I'm sorry."

This is not bad, but it could be better. Don't just use the dialogue to give us information Let us really hear her voice. Does she plead that her family would miss her? Does she try to get off the hook by saying she never imagined how badly her lie would hurt him? Does she remind him of how they used to be friends? Imagine yourself in her place. What would you say?

You start in a really fantastic place, have a great clear conflict, and a REALLY compelling backstory. But your technical things, word choice, spelling, capitalization, all need work. I believe your pacing is also weak, in that you are moving way too fast.

You might want to believe that a good story is powerful enough to live on its own without this picky little stuff.

But your powerful story is like a powerful car. Yes, it can move, can transport your readers. But your sentences are the guidance, the control. Without proper control, your words are like an out of control car. So, use your break to slow down a little, use more careful sentence structure to GUIDE the story, just like you'd use the gas pedal, the brake and the steering wheel on a car.

Real writers stare at a single word for an hour sometimes. We want just the RIGHT word. You have the raw story. Now tell as well as you can. Make it vivid. You have told us nothing about where she is. A dank basement? A cabin in the woods? A suburban home? What in the environment reveals the kidnapper's intent? We also need a description of the kidnapper. Powerful man? Pimply-faced boy? We don't even know if your MC is tied up or not. Fill in the details.

Also - work on your past tense/present tense issue. A lot of people struggle with this. You just need to be aware of it and get it straightened out over the next year or so.

Wow. It seems good, but make sure that what she did to Byran was pretty hardcore, cause you can't let stuff get out of proportion.

It sound pretty good but I see a few mess ups. But all in all I would read it. Good luck

Star by dear. Thank her and ready to make happy her .

You should use some higher vocabulary. Other than that I think its good.