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Ok I'm 26 and my ex is 25 we knew each other going on 9 years now and were best friends before we dated. Well she is 7 months pregnant now and we been broke up for 4 months today. We never had problems before she got pregnant but all that changed once she got pregnant and it lead to what she now calls a rash decision to break up with me. Things have not been good between us we always assume the worst and it leads to fights. In the beginning I got scared and freaked out and turned all my focus to the baby to show to her I loved our son. She said I quit caring for her and once I knew this it was to late and we weren't together anymore. I tried to get her back and be there more and she even said she reconsidered us and wanted a family with us but she never gave it a chance for us to be around each other besides the doctor appointments to see how things would go between us. She started hanging with other Guys that she said were her friends and this last one she talks to more the. Anyone else and admitted to me she kissed him and doesn't know if she likes him or not and says she still has some feelings for me. She said I pushed her to it because I quit caring again but she told me she wanted space so I backed off completely to let her come to me. She recently said she feels like she is in this alone and doesn't know if me and her are done forever. I told her she has to finally give it a chance for me to be around to prove to her I do care and can be supportive. My question is how can I be more supportive of her if she does give me a chance to be around more. I know me and her are most likely over for good because she has someone else but I still want her to know I care for her as she is still the mother of my child. What is your guys advice on this whole thing and how should I go about things.

Judith · Answer

Well, if she has somebody else this  quickly I would strongly suggest that you'd a paternity test just to be sure (I know it sounds horrible, but just throwing it out there).
On the being supportive to her, you can only do so much. 
Just remember if he is truly your son, he is your responsibility regardless what the relationship with her is like. Honestly, I would strongly suggest to speak with her on a very factual basis, so that your son does not become leverage (which would be so traumatic for this poor child). 
I would contact her to see how she is doing with the pregnancy nothing more and nothing less. 
I would ask what she needs for the Baby and if you can assist in any way when it comes to your child together. 
Then I would tell her that you want to work on a Parenting Plan before he is born so that you two have a clear understanding on what needs to happen. 
I think that is really all you can do at this point. Make your son your priority and be there for him, I don't want to sound mean, but if it is truly over between you two then you need to figure out what is best for you and your son.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

mikah_smiles · Answer

Ask to go to doctor's appointments. Offer to drive her there. Ask her if she will let you be in the delivery room. Ask her if you can help set up the nursery for the baby (painting, building crib, putting up curtains, black-out blinds, etc.). Ask her if you can make some freezer meals for her so she won't have to cook once baby is here. Ask her if you can help buy things for the baby (diapers, wipes, clothing, etc). Set aside a savings account and put money in there for baby items. Find out what she still needs. Ask her if there is anything else she needs. Remember it is better to offer to do something, vs asking "is there anything I can do". If you give specific examples of what you might be able to help with, then she's more likely to go "yes, you can help me build the crib" or "no, I've already painted, but can you help me put up the curtains?"

There is no reason why you can't still be civil with her and be a great father to your child. Even if your relationship is over, you still have a chance to be a part of your child's life. That's the right thing to do. Of course, she also has to be willing to put aside some of the hurt in her own heart to extend a hand to you. If all else fails, it might help to go to couple's counselling. Even if you are not a couple, you still need to know how to function as a cohesive parental unit for your child.

Good luck! I hope that you and she can reach an agreement.

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