Should I respect my dieing Aunts last wishes?

Your Aunt's wishes should be respected. I would do

what my Aunt wanted.

Your wife is not related to her.

As long as you are able to do it.

That's kind of messed up. I don't understand why a pinch or two of ashes would offend your wife so much. Perhaps you should ask her why she doesn't want it done. Don't come at her like it's stupid and/or doesn't make sense or she'll just get defensive, and don't have that disgusted look on your face like you think her saying no is horrible. Just ask her "Honey, why isn't it okay with you to put a few ashes on Bobby's grave? And don't get mad at me for asking, I honestly want to understand what you're feeling about that."

Don't use it as an opportunity to debate, because trying to debate her on this isn't going to do you any good. But getting her to talk about it might make her see that she's being silly.

He's your son too, and this is your aunt. I say do it anyway. Your wife will never know, and it won't hurt anything.

Shalom ba'bayit -- Hebrew for "keep the peace at home" -- is the number one tenent of a happy life.

Sometimes we say "Happy wife happy life."

Your aunt tricked you into promising. Next time you listen to the wishes of a dying relative, say "please tell me your wishes, Auntie." and "thank you for sharing that Auntie. It feels so special that you would tell me that. We all miss Bobby ...."

You are not obligated to keep your promise. If you were Jewish you could ask for forgiveness from God on Yom Kippur, (just last week). Now you have to wait a year. NNot sure how your religious cultural tradition handles promises that cannot be kept.

but this is one.

Your wife's right, and I think you can see why. Think about it - if a convicted child molester wanted to have their ashes sprinkled there, what would you say? you would say "that violates the sanctity of the grave site."

Which it does.

Inasmuch as your Aunt's request was well meaning, it was somewhat of a trick question/promise. People should never be bound by a dying person's wish, especially when you agree to it before you even know what the request is going to be. That is somewhat selfish and very unfair to you.

Your Aunt is going to die an no longer be among us. Your wife is alive. Life is for the living and if she refuses to have ashes put over, near, blown into the wind, over her son's grave, THAT needs to be respected. Her baby is buried there and it is HIS resting place. NOT your Aunt and Uncles.

You cannot expect your wife to go to your son's grave site and be forced to "visit" your aunt and uncle every single time. Even one ash is one ash too many. Respect your wife, for God's sake, respect your wife's request to have only her son at that grave site. Please understand and even if you don't understand, at least respect your son's final resting place as his alone.

I have sons. And, to be honest with you, I would not go for this idea either.

You certainly need to respect your wife's decision. Your aunt will be dead. She won't care anymore. Your wife is your partner in life... forever. It doesn't matter her reason for not wanting you to scatter ashes - few or many. What matters is that your honor her by respecting the choices she makes.

If those people were your sons godparents why would your wife have a problem with that? Ask her why? There would be no good reason. If your wife is going to continue to be a problem, I would just do it anyway without her around. She is not your keeper.

I agree with Juniper, you and your wife aren't tied to the hip and it really isn't that big of deal I would think, but I have not lost my son. Sorry and I hope everyone finds some peace.

Tell your aunt sorry, and don't honor such a weird request. Listen to your wife she sounds sane.