Should I give my late husband's sister his IRA?

Question

My mother in law was the beneficiary of his life insurance policy and refused to give me any part of it.  We were only married for four months, although we were friends for 10 years prior to getting romantically involved, then were engaged for one year before marrying. Although we had planned to change the beneficiaries of each of our insurance policies, 401K, IRA, etc, he went into a deep depression, ultimately taking his life. His Mother had no idea that she was the beneficiary, AND my husband had named her and his Dad (who died eight years ago), beneficiaries in 1987 when he bought the policy. To make a long story short, she told me she was going to give me the money, which she has not. This is my question. My husband's IRA's beneficiary is his youngest sister, and unlike a 401K, it does not automatically go to me regardless of the beneficiary. I will preface this by saying I was totally respectful of his mother and three sisters' feelings, wishes and desires for his memorial service, AND I PAID for him to be cremated and did as they wished as far as what they wanted to do with his ashes. Should I do the moral, ethical thing (even though they have not) and notify his sister that she is the benefciary of his IRA?

۞۞ · Accepted Answer

It's not really a question of morals and ethics. If your husband planned to make you the beneficiary of his policies, then he wanted you to have the money.

It's more of a legal question, and you'll probably have to consult a lawyer. The law differs from state to state, but a spouse automatically becomes the beneficiary of certain properties upon marriage. This could supercede the beneficiary listed on a particular document. If this is the case, then you are legally entitled to the benefits. If not, then you would be unable to collect the money from the IRA, and the only one who could would be his sister. If that's the case, then by not informing her, you would be punishing her for the actions of your mother-in-law, and without any benefit to yourself. You must ask yourself if this is what your husband would have wanted.

Good luck

USAFisnumber1 · Answer

HIS IRA goes to his sister.   While there are laws concerning who gets what when a person dies without a will and without designating who gets what,   when a person does designate someone then the law is they get it.   His insurance was designated to his mother,  his IRA was designated to his sister.  Legally they will be informed by the agency or company that handles the funds, you do not and should not get involved.   From a legal standpoint, you get nothing.   Also from a legal stand point you were next of kin in regards to his funeral, etc and you had to pay for that.   You were in a lose lose situation.

From a moral standpoint he should have changed the beneficiaries when you got married.   He could have done it any time during the TEN YEARS you were dating or the FOUR MONTHS you were married.   I do not think he was too concerned about you.   About all you can lay claim to is any money in a joint checking or savings account,  joint ownership in a house or car,  etc.    Plus all his personal belongings in the house.  You do not have to give any of that stuff to his mother.    If they want some particular thing,  let them buy it from you.

SoDramatic · Answer

Well, if I understand you correctly, the IRA will not go to you whether you tell your sis in law or not right? So you will not benefit from it unless she chooses to give you a part of it. If that's the case, then I would go ahead and tell her. Maybe she will appreciate it and share a portion with you.

hillbilly · Answer

See a good attorney because as a widow, you have certain rights, depending where you live.  USE THEM.

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Should I give my late husband's sister his IRA?

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