Need some mature advice please...?

Question

My daughter is a very skilled and gifted soccer player here in SD. Last year she left a very elite soccer club team. This was difficult but understand I am a single parent and her team got a very abusive coach back. This coach really was abusive to my daughter. Both my daughter and I were afraid if we stayed with that coach we would be taken back into court and lose custody. 

I presented problem to the DOC who also was divorced at one time with children. I asked if we should consider other options such as a year up B-Team or the oner her age? Should we move to another club. This discission was forcing us to consider other options. The DOC gave us our release paperwork. Because the club scholarshipped us because of my lack of income, I felt we had no other option but to leave. The coach left the club earlier this year.  

Since then she has played for 2 different clubs. The first club the coach was a very famous MLS player but he always made everything about him. Also, he would lose it during the games so we left. This latest, 2nd club the DOC is the coach. He is a very knowledgable and kind. The girls are not  skilled and resent my daughter for all the work she does to get and keep her skills. It is so bad, these girls do not understand offsides in their teenage years! My daughter says they are way more concerned about their hair and makeup than soccer. We lose to everyone and the girls (and the parents) are not even nice. The latest drama is one of the girls' mother refused to buy her the latest cellular phone so she called her mother a "Witch" with a "B" in front of the team and the parents. The mother did nothing. My daughter said the teammates gave the player a hug and sided with her and a lot of similar stories came out along with advice on how badly to treat your parents when they misbehaive that way. 

Really need some advice. Thanks in advance.

taxreff · Accepted Answer

First, please be assured that this is a legitimate answer.  It is not intended as negative criticism, or as a personal attack on either you or your daughter.

I suspect both you, and your child, may need to reassess how you both view being on a soccer team.  Leaving, or wanting to leave, 3 different teams within a 2 year period is not desirable.  When the reason for leaving each team is disliking coaches and/or teammates, it may well indicate you both need a viewpoint adjustment.

To be fair to you both, I certainly agree that being on a team with coaches or teammates you don't care for is not the ideal situation.  Still, one should not quit a team over that.  Once one signs up for a team, the personal commitment one makes to that team should be honored.  One can feel free to try out for a different team after the soccer year, or to not play at all the next year.   Youngsters should get into the habit, though, of honoring commitments.  Its a good life lesson.

If your daughter wants to play soccer, she should work on deriving the most enjoyment possible from playing.  That, however, must come from within her.  It could well be a big adjustment if she is used to outside reinforcement.  She should not base her enjoyment on getting approval from the coach, teammates, or her teammate's parents.  She must look to herself (and you, of course) to find the enjoyment from her sport.

Conversely, you both might want to consider if she is really playing primarily because she likes to play soccer.  Many youngsters join sports teams primarily for social reasons.  If she is actually looking for a social experience of like-minded youngsters, with supportive adults giving encouragement, there are many non-sports activities she might want to look at (church youth groups, girl scouts, school clubs, etc.).

To emphasize again, enjoyment she gets from soccer (or anything, for that matter) must come from inside herself.  If she relies on the approval of others for that enjoyment, she may well continue to be disappointed.

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Need some mature advice please...?

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