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Help please, I cant stop punishing myself?
I lost someone and its my fault. I cant get to forgive myself. I just thought that I am being like this because I lost her, but I realize its because I cant forgive myself for what happened. There is no way I could reach her. Even if I had, she wont talk to me. And she does not know how much I am miserable. All because I love her too much to feel guilty about me.
And the only salvation I find is a bottle of whiskey. A few shots just to temporarily suspend this pain and sorrow. To buy me a few hours of sleep at least. This is all that I have. Talking as well about it helps distract my attention. Between that, there isnt anything much.
I love her so much. And Im at a point where Id rather be miserable like this, if its what brings her closer to my heart though it hurts so bad, than to move on and lie to myself. At least this way, I get to prove what she refuses to believe. That I will never love anyone like this, nor will hurt for anyone else like this.
I just pray that whatever pain I really caused her, that god would just give it all to me. After all I am the one who screwed up. God I just want to make her happy again.
Other than that, I keep craving for that sweet taste of relief I find in a bottle of Jack Daniel's. Its all I got to help me get through the night.
6 Answers
- 8 years ago
You sound like you have had a few already? That might be you & hers problem* She can't trust or believe you because you have a drinking problem. If you don't get help for that now* You will find that is the only way you can deal with things, until the day comes & you can't deal wth anything any more because your wasted* GO TALK TO SOMEONE & Hit an AA meeting,
- SamirLv 48 years ago
I think you been pointed fingers & blamed alot of times in you life mainly in childhood. You might seek forgiveness from others. The truth is you have not forgiven yourself, do that & see the world changes
- 8 years ago
Please go to church and seek a therapist, you'll drown in alcohol soon.
God said no alcohol either so it is making it worst.
A therapist u spill your guts out too will help very much
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