just a silly christmas poem...c/c, please?

‘twas the night before Christmas

And I lay there asleep

Something in the apartment

Started to beep.

I held my breath and

Reached for my weapon;

(just a very old golf putter--

not even a gun.)

I jumped out of bed,

And ran without thought

But when I tripped on my undies,

I turned and my glasses I got!

I peeked ‘round the doorframe

for the intruders I’d heard;

it was only James Bond!

Wanting “shaken, not stirred”.

So only in jammies

I stood and I stared…

He went for his gun

And said not to be scared.

“St Nick has been watching you;

Seems you’ve been a bad boy!

I’m here to tell you, son…

For you, there isn’t a toy!”

At that moment, I know

I went into a faint!

(I only know that now

Because of the wallpaint).

I woke to a wonderful smell

And a prod and a poke;

a fat man with a pipe

was having a smoke!

I looked up at him,

With wonder in my eyes.

So am I dead?, I asked…

or is this another surprise?

“No it isn’t, young man,

It’s only a dream.

You’re only as bad as other

people think you might seem.”

“I have a list you know,

And you know I check it twice.

YOU are definitely in the column

That is listed as nice.”

“Is there anything you want

For this Christmas I can give?

Or do you really wish me to continue

This monotonous narrative?”

I slowly sat up

And at him I looked…

Well maybe, Santa, I do…

Are you fully booked?

I then listed off addresses,

Names and that stuff.

Wishing St Nick to do all

At least part; that’s enough.

I believe in my heart

That all I’ve asked—he has done…

For I’m now saying Merry Christmas

And sending much love to you all….EVERYONE!

(and yes, I woke up!)

honest opinions are greatly appreciated, and I mean brutally honest.