Christimas with homophobic father, how do I keep it together?

The way I see this, you either live life to your own values, or the expectation of others. Your father has little understanding of the world around him and like many people obsessed with religion and their beliefs, often which are so fixed in concrete there is no room for logic or reason, he is unlikely to ever comprehend anything other than his own little world. Possibly he is also a control freak with behaviour that intimidates and bullies. If he is, his own self esteem and confidence will be low, because such people are not only cowards but have little social skills when it comes to tolerance, compassion and understanding. Just because he lives by the bible won't make him good or nice in any way, because he will be blind to the real values behind such teachings.

So you either sell yourself short and submit to his demands, or you tell him to do one because you are your own person, with the human right to be the way your god ( or nature) made you. If you really want to get his goat, you might enjoy telling him, in a factual and direct way, that you are who you are thanks to his own genetics and the DNA of his and your mother's ancestors. Don't argue it, just tell it, because the way each of us are made is strongly linked to genetics and whatever magic happens during pregnancy. Choices are only based in instincts which are inborn, maybe with whatever external influence might conflict with what feels right for us. If there is a god (which I strongly doubt) this will all be as he intended and is likely tearing his hair out due to the behaviour of his fan club.

You have choices and with respect to your mother, maybe you can adapt or limit your visit or make changes to it that steer clear of much contact with your father, other than to tell him the facts of life and how diverse and colourful the world really is, if only he could step outside of the darkside of the bible. If there is a remote chance that he will revert to physical abuse, avoid any situation that could allow that, or take a chair to his head if he tries it.

So, call his bluff and be who you are. If not, you empower those who want to control you and your life and potential happiness will never be your own.

Well I'm bisexual and I've been in a situation similar to you several times. I'm the type of person who will most of the time speak their mind, and when confronted by ignorant bible thumping hypocrites I simply said; God teaches you to love all his children and if I'm not mistaken everyone on this planet is his child, even people from the lgbtq community and those who have different views.

My parents acted the same way. When I "accidently" came out, only parents knew and their reactions forced me back into the closet. I'm sorry you're going through that, but I guess you gotta stand up to your dad if you want to be open and yourself. Don't disrespect him and be like "F you!" No, even though he may be bi polar, let him know that the way he's treating you isn't helping but hurting you. Best of luck.

Find a way to go see your mom without involving your dad at all.

Just rent a room at a nearby hotel to see your mom. If your dad wants to see you at all, see him under your terms.

If you drink alcohol, drink LOTS of it. If you don't, or don't want to get drunk, spend as little time with the family as possible.

why dont you honour your father instead, and believe in Christ that He gave His life for you, to walk the walk and talk the talk, to honour your parents?