Why won't he let me ejaculate?

Question

I've been dating a guy recently, and we've started to have sex a few times.  But for some reason, he doesn't want to do anything but foreplay.  We get each other really aroused, and then he just stops.  The first time this happened, I started to masturbate, but he told me to stop (so I did).  Basically, he likes to get me really aroused, and vice versa, but he doesn't want either of us to ejaculate under any circumstances, or progress to anything past foreplay.

The reason he gives for this is that ejaculation is too intimate.  He thinks that he would only want to ejaculate if he had been in a relationship for a long time.  This view is extremely conservative, especially for the gay community.  Not only that, but conservatives who hold these kinds of views generally don't think that you can have a little bit of light sex early on, and that the sex can get gradually more intense as the relationship progresses.  Generally, they think that you can't have sex at all until the relationship reaches a certain point, after which full-on sex is permitted.

Anyway... On the one hand, I don't want to encourage him to do anything he doesn't want to do.  On the other hand, I really think if you start having sex with someone there's a general understanding that it will end in orgasm.  And I really like him otherwise, so I don't want to stop dating him because of this.  It just irritates me that he won't let me ejaculate.

I've never been with a guy who's afraid of orgasms before.  Any suggestions?

The White Queen · Accepted Answer

"Any suggestions?"

Well, this is what you would call a situation of sexual incompatibility. He finds actual sexual stimulation too intimate for now (or until marriage, not sure if he specified anything) whereas you feel it's a logical part of sex. The consequence: You're becoming unhappy with your relationship.

This creates that, considering he's unwilling to compromise, your best course of action would be to break up with him because you two don't see eye-to-eye in the bedroom. You wouldn't be the first couple to break up because of that and surely not the last.

abcdef · Answer

You've got a boyfriend who believes that intimate sex (beyond foreplay) is not a value.  This is tantamount to the idea in heterosexual relationships that sex before marriage shouldn't take place.  You might value this because what he's saying is that he's saving himself for someone special - for that special relationship.  Think how special it will be if that is you.  And you are showing respect by not forcing him into something that he is not ready for.  Good for you.  If this really becomes a problem for you, you need to have the talk.  But if you can wait, I'll bet you'll have a great long lasting relationship with someone who you consider to be really special in your life.  Yes, this is a conservative view of gay relationships, and yes, it is rare.  That makes it valuable doesn't it?
Good luck.

? · Answer

He Is Bi and not sure of himself you need to find someone else If I was you I would not stand It or sit still for his stupid explanation of why I love Oral and Anal and when I have been with a guy I want to feel and taste everything about him I've been seeking for a boyfriend a lasting relationship a relationship Is someone you really want to be with and do what ever it takes to please each other

Abundance · Answer

Be calm and gentle with him.

All of that sexual energy is gonna build up and you're gonna feel really, really, good when you finally make love for the first time.

Don't rush him or he make think you are only in it for the sex.

Lyra · Answer

his reason for not having sex are so not right...if u r gay then admit it and enjoy it..whats the point of being with someone and then saying ,we'r not in relationship so get away from me. ?

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Why won't he let me ejaculate?

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