Does this sound like an abusive relationship?

Question

I met this guy online, and we have been having a relationship through text, and phone. The attraction is "soul mate" like, and we talked about me going out to his state to meet him, and even marriage. Recently, I was upset over some things that have been building up, and out of anger broke it off with him over text. Afterwards, I regret the decision, and realized it was an over reaction, and misunderstanding, and have sent a few texts, and a phone call, but he's not responding. Basically I asked if we could talk, and told him I felt my decision was extreme. He did this another time to me when he got upset over a comment I made, and didn't talk to me for five weeks. It was minor, and wasn't worth being mad at me over for five weeks. He cures everything with sex, and the last time he didn't talk to me I had to send him explicit messages, and then he responds, and everything is fine again. I don't have a problem doing that, but asked him if that's what he wanted from me again, and he's not responding. I don't want to end it yet. It's a dominant/submissive relationship by the way.

thomchez · Accepted Answer

You have to ask yourself a couple of questions...1. Do I like being submissive to him and is something I am prepared to do on a long-term basis and enjoy it? If the answer to either one of those questions is no, you know you are about to waste time in a unhappy relationship just because you want to be involved with someone and be in love. If the answer to that question is yes, you could see being his wife and behaving as a submissive wife, then stop wasting time and tell him if he love it, he better put a ring on it. Please be serious with him about this or he will play with your emotions like a toy. The 2nd question you must ask yourself is, "Why am I willing to be anything less than a complete partner in a relationship where we both respect and desire one another. Is this it?" Answer these and your problem will be solved. Listen to the song "Hero" by Mariah Carey and realize that you are a whole person all by yourself. You don't need a man to make you complete as a woman. You want a man with whom you two are willing to love and desire each other, be friends and lovers. You don't need someone to validate you as a woman. Remind yourself that you are a woman. There is a man out here looking for a good woman who will love you the way you want to be loved, but you have to be able to see what's good in yourself and add it to what you are looking for in a man. When you figure that out, go to places where the type of man you want would be at and begin the next step of your journey and don't look back. Good luck with your decision. This is good information. I hope it helps.

Katherine · Answer

I'm also in a dominant submissive relationship as well. Just wait hon. Don't contact him for a whole week. And then, send him a text with a sexy photo asking: Miss this yet? And wait. If he comes back, good. If not, move on. But also meet soon to seal the deal!

??? · Answer

You should stop posting about this. It's clear that you want people to tell you not to get back together with this guy because you're making him out to be a huge jerk. You don't need anyone's permission to let go. Just move on. It doesn't seem that healthy for you.

? · Answer

Not quite abusive, but dysfunctional till u two get together, than it could become abusive.

TexasHoldEmJones · Answer

Yes it is. Forget him. He's just dominating you and you are a punching bag for him.

Does this sound like an abusive relationship?

5 Answers