Dysfunctional mother, insulting Christmas. What to do?

Question

My mother has many mental health issues. Most of the time she ends up saying the wrong things or offendIng people by accident.

It was my child's first Christmas and it was one that we were only inviting the grandparents to. We planned a Christmas breakfast cooked by my wife and I. 10am, not too early. My mother said she and my father wouldn't be attending the breakfast even though live close by. 10am is not that early for a special occasion.

Anyways, my parents showed up around noon. There were no gifts! My wife and I have always gotten something from them. My in-laws got gifts! All we got was a generic card from "Santa" with $50 for Mr wife and I to share.

We are not greedy people. It was just the fact that we weren't even important enough to get a nice card from them. Santa? And I got my parents many nice gifts like always but none in return? It's insulting.

How should I bring it up? She's very fragile mentally and is always the victim whenever others get offended.

Stephanie D · Accepted Answer

Sounds like your mom is one of those that likes attention even if it is negative. By showing up late, the noon entrance is all about her. The card is also non-conforming just enough to be "different". I'm sure when you confront her on issues and she plays the victim, she is relishing the attention. If you want her to be "better" you have to blow sunshine up her @ss in order to get what you want. I have one of these moms too. To get a gift you have to praise the hell out of something she bought in the past. She will love the attention it gets her and she just might bring one again. Ex: I just love the shiny, multi setting, chrome, 4 wide slot toaster you gave me for my birthday. (always over exaggerate the features or looks of the gift) I told Becky at work all about it and she mentioned how that would be perfect for toasting 2 different bagels at the same time! (you now have an outsider singing her praises too) I used it the next morning and it really does toast 2 things well at the same time. (end of example) This type of over exaggeration works on the attention loving people, makes them feel more important. Even if you threw the toaster away because it was from a garage sale, it inspires them to give you gifts that earn them attention. This in turn makes them behave better, I don't fully understand it but it does work.

pucman1961 · Answer

You start off saying your mother has mental,issues and then start complaining she didn't behave the way you wanted her to behave for Xmas. I am not sure your asking what to do about your mother or what to do for yourself. I think you need to take her the way she is. And don't have any high expectations. Ok she showed up for Xmas, late yes, but not bearing the gifts you thought she should. Maybe she is having a rough time time right now. Ask her how she is doing. And what about your dad. Why are their enough complaints about him. 
    I couldn't care a less if I did not get a gift from my mom at Xmas. I just love getting together with her. My mom has big mental problems. Has for years.

First · Answer

Just thank them for the gift and not put as much effort i to their next gifts?

♠ Merlin ♠ · Answer

to be fair, i wouldnt go somewhere for 10am on christmas morning either
its christmas all day
and we have our own traditions
just because you wish to have traditions of your own you shouldnt impose them onto the rest of the family and insult them when they dont dance to your tune

pouting for no gifts at your age for "only getting $50 to spend as you please and not from santa" is preposterous 

get over yourself

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Dysfunctional mother, insulting Christmas. What to do?

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