Should I be worried of child's lack of grief over dead pet?

Question

I'm concerned about my 10-year old daughter's apparent lack of grief over the death of our dog.  This Christmas one of our dogs suddenly got very sick and passed away after three days at the pet hospital.  My daughter acted very mature when we went to the pet hospital for the last time and she insisted on being present when the dog was put to sleep. During the whole 3-day ordeal she never made a scene but was calm and controlled.

I'm concerned, however, about what appears to be a complete lack of grief over the death of the dog (no tears, no words of sorrow, etc)  It is like the dog has never existed in her life. Same thing happened two year earlier when another one of our dogs died suddenly.  No signs of grief.  It was like the dog never had been a part of her life either.

I cried like a baby for days when our dogs died and so did my spouse. Should I be concerned about our daughter's lack of grief?

? · Accepted Answer

What Robots said.

If it's real however, remember children don't process grief in the same way adults do :) You can't expect an adult reaction, they're still wrapping their heads round 'death'.

I remember a fly on the wall documentary about something or other that followed a family for a year. Their dog was hit by a car and died, and the parents were grief stricken. Their 7 year old daughter was asked:

"What do you think about Mandy [the dog] being hit by the car?"
"Too slow", she said, and carried on playing with her dolls.

My cat died when I was 10. I loved him and played with him, but I wasn't madly upset. Our other cat died a few years later, I was in tears! It's a maturation thing, nothing to worry about :)

WordsofWisdom · Answer

I think I would sit with her and talk to her about the death of the dog and ask her about her thoughts.    I would also encourage you to put together a brief "memorial service" for the dog and ask your daughter to participate in the service and to say her own words in memory of the pet.  This might give you some insight into her thoughts. 
Get the book by Leo Buscalgia ..."the Fall of Freddie the Leaf" and you two read it together.

? · Answer

Are you trying to see how many people will see that you're implying that your daughter is killing your dogs? Because that's what it seems like.

I apologize if that's not the case. But I read that question, I think "The kid is killing the pets."

ps. As a humane alternative explanation, maybe your daughter has one of those introverted personalities where they don't like exposing all their vulnerable feelings for the public to gawk at. Inside she might be dying inside. I have one of those personalities though I did cry to the point that I had to be sent home from school because a baby mouse I found in a field died after 2 days of trying to rescue it.

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Oh don't be so sensitive.

Anonymous · Answer

Everyone reacts to a death no matter if it is a family pet or a loved one.  When my mother passed away, I never shed a tear.  She was 80 years old.  When my little dog passed away, I was totally wiped out.  It really depends just how close she was to this pet.  She may be trying to be a comfort to you.

Anonymous · Answer

I&#x27;ve had pets die when i was little and i wasn&#x27;t surprised. I knew it would happen and it&#x27;s not like it&#x27;s life altering. I felt a little sad but i never cried either. I turned out fine!

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Should I be worried of child's lack of grief over dead pet?

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