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How does this sound? Any positive honest feedback will be appreciated.?

It shouldn't hurt to love someone!

How I ache at the sight of you.

My hearts not broken but undone

the first thing I think about is you.

It shouldn't hurt to love someone!

I'm always last for your love,

I'd rather be shot with a gun.

Love should be sweet like a dove.

Will I always hurt this way?

For my heart there's no mending

I hope there will come a day,

When you see my love is unending.

It shouldn't hurt to love someone!

it shouldn't hurt to love someone!

It shouldn't hurt to love someone!

It shouldn't hurt to love you!

BUT OH HOW I DO!

1 Answer

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  • ?
    Lv 5
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    First of all, if you only ask for positive feedback then we can't be completely honest, and you will never improve. This applies to all writing.

    As for the poem? song?

    I don't think you need so many "It shouldn't hurt to love someone"s at the end. It gets kind of repetitive.

    Overall though, decent grasp of rhyme and meter.

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