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Help! I want to break up with my boyfriend.. I don't want to hurt him?
My boyfriend treats me the right way like a true gentleman. I can tell he really loves me. He broke his lease just to be with me and helped me out of my environment that was toxic. He pampers me and takes care of me when I am sick. We almost always get a long and if we don't we talk maturely to each other like adults. I can tell that my boyfriend wants to marry me, he wants me to take his last name. He told me. I am separated right now out of an abusive marriage I don't have any money right now even though I work full time. I have a college education as well. I am in my 20's my boyfriend is in his 40's. He wants to protect me from my ex he's giving me the money to file for my divorce right away. My boyfriend even got me to stop drinking.
Problem is my boyfriend has already been married twice and has a kid. He has a credit card to pay off and his child support can sometimes be a lot of money. He introduced me to his family and I think his kid likes me a lot. I don't want to hurt anyone. I love my boyfriend so much. My boyfriend got cheated on a lot and he married his first wife because of his kid. My boyfriend's kid is 13. My boyfriend is Asian and I am white. I can tell he really loves me by the way he kisses me passionately and he is always concerned about me. He is so happy with me. I cook for him, clean for him, service him but he is also giving to me. He said he never met anyone who loved to service him I love servicing him more than he services me. Problem is I know I am going to absolutely break his heart. I don't know how to do this. My boyfriend says he is so happy. His kid never talked with his second ex and did not care for her that much I know his son likes me a lot. I can tell. So the thing is I realized that I would be a stepmom.
I don't have any kids of my own. My boyfriend has to work a ton and I want to be with someone who doesn't have to work so much. My boyfriend tells me it is not by choice but he has some things that he needs to pay off. If I leave him I know he will be absolutely heart broken... I will cry because I love him so much. But what can I do? He has so much history and I think he might be better with someone who has as much history as him. Or is there a way to get over his history? He says he can not believe he met me. I am the best thing that ever happened to him. Please help! We have a lease together now for six months.
He is everything that I dream of.. He is going to show me his bank statements and everything. He helps me in my life to overcome so many obstacles. Now I can tell he wants me to help him with his. I just don't know what to do. It would really crush me if he met someone else but I am scared of his love for me. I feel it is very intense. How do I know if I am ready for this?
I think I want to break up with my boyfriend but I don't know... Are there reasons to break up with your significant other if they make you happy but you don't like the circumstances?
Thank you everyone for all your advice..... I think it is just hard for me because I have been hurt a lot and I am not used to being this in love with someone... I have never thought love like this would exist for me... I won't hurt him or his son. I don't want to mess this up... Thank you!
7 Answers
- ?Lv 67 years ago
You both have history. You survived an abusive marriage. Money flows out of sight even though you work full time. Where is it going? When you are only in your 20's and this is happening, it is truly a time to look at your life and take stock of what where why and how with counsellors or something. You need to reflect so you won't repeat what happened again, the cycle of abuse. You got yourself involved with someone who has heavy baggage too, And both seem desperate to get rid of bills and debts. So getting together and getting married to each other will compound all problems financially, not end them. You guys could take some pre marriage counselling for a start.
It sounds like you are 'honeymooning' with the young teenager of his, too. Wait til sparks fly with him when the teen years emerge with everything else. Rebellion naturally comes up, but compounds problems with all the disruptions he has had to go through with his Dad's choices in partners.
It isn't a good idea to break up suddenly, but a 'wait and see' attitude would be way better. Make it plain maybe, that you don't want debts and ties when you tie the knot next time. You want to get to know them more and this does not mean marriage down the road to suit him. Tell him he is moving too fast and maybe it wasn't such a good thing moving intogether after all. It will shock him and make him realize motherhood to a teenager and the emptiness of him gone all the time also, is too much, you need your space, you need your own identity, not be swallowed up by everything at once. Don't let him poo pooh you and minimize your feelings either, get counselling for this as for him it seems he is just desperate, and you are so handy as well. But you may very well grow bitter and it could all be avoided, by him taking his own place back up, realize his mistake and keep seeing each other.
- icpooremanLv 67 years ago
I mean your next boyfriend with a big wallet will just dump you when you get older/fatter.
Circumstances change. They're not always great. You're not always going to be in your 20's. If you love somebody circumstances like money can be overcome.
- 7 years ago
Well as much as this may suck, most times in life the right way to do things is the hardest. If you want to break up with him, you need to tell him how you feel about your relationship and that you think it is better if you break up. Make sure to do it as nicely as you can, tell him you two just weren't meant to be together. I can tell you he will most likely not be happy, and it might be hard for him. I can tell you right now though, he will appreciate it MUCH more then if you lie to him, and it will help your relationship with him after your breakup.
- 7 years ago
If he is everything you're looking for, why break up? I really don't understand your logic. And you go on to say you don't want him to meet someone else. What the hell?
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- PiemanLv 77 years ago
What a contradiction. If you don't want to hurt him, don't hurt him, and don't break up with him, because a break up will likley hurt him.
- 7 years ago
i think you're confused about asians. asians are WHITE. are you european? europeans are PINK.
why did you get in this relationship anyway, please leave this guy and make him a favor while it's still time. you're abusing his goodness. and btw, he just likes you because you're young.
