I need relationship advice?

Question

Me and my girlfriend have dating for about 1 1/2 years. We are both 21. We still live with are parents ('m finding a way to move on my own soon). Her mother has dictated when we can and cannot see each other. she has determined when or when not her daughter can be around my family. I have made countless of sacrifices on my own to be there for my girlfriend when ever she has needed me and when her family goes out to do something fun. But the control had caused me and my girlfriend many arguments and rough times. The first time she told me to have faith that all will get better, and it didn't. The second time she said the same thing, didn't really change much. Her mother told her she couldn't be my sponsor or go to my confirmation this April because it is her 56th birthday. She was told she couldn't go to my graduation.

This week we almost broke up but smy girlfriend convinced me to stay and have faith. BUT she was having a conversation on the phone with he rmother and I could hear her mom say, "I have no respect for him and he seems needy and insecure."

Then I get two voice mail messages of my girlfriend trying to explain to me that things are better. However her mom still has lost respect for me. Her mom needs her space and time. My confirmation is still a no no. My graduation from COLLEGE is a maybe. And my gf is trying to convince me that her mother is looking at everything from a mothering perspective and is looking out for the two of us.

I feel DONE. I don't know what to do. My girlfriend keeps calling and texting "I love you and every things going to be great and I'm so excited for our future."

Advice?

Thanks.

Finwie · Answer

You're both 21 and of legal age. Why is she still letting her mother control her? I know it's hard when a parent is being persistent, but your girlfriend is an adult now and can make her own decisions. Her mother has no right to tell her when she can see you or not, unless all visits happen in her own home.

Your girlfriend needs to stand up for herself, but you can't force her to do that either. Just be honest with her about how you feel about the situation, tell her that you're done and can't wait for her to grow up anymore.

Anonymous · Answer

If or when you get out on your own... is she going to move in with you? Have you discussed this? Her responses will help you decide what path you want to take. Im a mother myself... and I dont think you are needy for wanting her to go to these special life events. I think her mom is controlling and she is enabeling this. She might be worried about what will happen if she doesnt obey her. If she gets kickedout  for defying her mothers orders... where will she go?. There may be many similar questions going through her mind. She sounds religious... that may be something that is standing in her way as well. Her mother may be using it as a way to control her.

I think you should do whatever is best for you but with the time you both have invested in the relationship already... is leaving her really the best choice for you? And... if you stay... will it change?

I understand what she is saying about the mothering aspect... it sounds like you have had issues in your past... but she should be supporting the fact that your making huge efforts to do what is right and change your path.

How long does she expect you to be patient? Is it going to be like this forever?

Her mother prespective on you should have no influence on your relationship. Most mothers fight their childrens first real love... saying things like what you have mentioned. Its really common. You need to see where your girlfriend stand on the future... not "just have faith". Have real conversations about goals for the future of your relationship. If she is hesitant... you will have your answers. If she jumps right in and makes plans... that will help you see how she feels about you and the relationship she has with you.

Sorry I cant give you a straight forward answer... as it is up to you. But this might help set your mind at ease about whatever decision you chose to make. Good Luck! and congradulations on these major events in your life! :)

? · Answer

When my husband and I got engaged his mother did EVERYTHING you can possibly imagine to wreck our relationship and the wedding. 
It came to a point where I told him, its either her or me, your adult, time to cut the umbilical cord and make your own choices. He did, for most part. Sometimes I have to put my foot down and say know were not doing that, its OUR lives not hers. 
She talks about me behind my back all the time ... I just let it roll. 
Controlling parents are a nightmare, but if you dont make her choose, you will be disappointed, hurt and loose out all the time. 
She is an adult, time to act it. Mommy and daddy dont need to be making her choices any more.

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I need relationship advice?

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