what should i do please help?

Im 19 bout to be 20 and i hide behind my smile mostly everyday to keep people knowing my pain im in college now and its going well but i havent told my psychiatrist or therapust that i hide behind my smile mostly everyday im really just now telling them that i was raped in the second grade i dont even knowvif they know about the ones when i was 12 and 13 i doubt it though but i was dianosed with major server depression, paranoid schizophrenia, anxiety, and ptsd eveyday i think that my two attacks from when i was 12 and 13 are coming to kill me my psychiatrist say its my paranoia but what if shes wrong then i will be so upset with her i get to overwhelmed with things im anxious right now what should i do please no negative comment