Girl22

Ok so i thought about over dosing yesturday and today but the pills i want to over dose on are old i havent told my mom or therapist and psychiatrist because i dont want to go to the hospital i did tell my grandma that i want to go back to hurting my self its just that im in love with my ex but he dont lovee back what should i do

Ok so im 19 aboug to be 20 next tuesdsy but anyway i was dianogsed with paranoia schizophrenia, ptsd, anxiety disorder, and major sever depression i rarely hear and see things sometimes. Also i get depressed sometimes but anyway im in college now and i take one course a month right now I'm taking fundamental of mathematics and its so boring my teacher is asian and she teach kind of at a slow pace so i just go with it. Im also asking my psychiatric to take me off my invega shot (jrlps with the hallucinations) but she said she thinks i need to be on it because its keeping me out the hospital and helping me stay focus. I told her i think one of the men who raped me is out to kill me she said its my schizophrenia messing with me i think hes out to kill me for real. Also i think that my psychiatric dont believe me when i said that someone is out to kill me i told my therapist that at the end of the day i am still going to feel the same way about the men who raped me what should i do?

Im 19 bout to be 20 and i hide behind my smile mostly everyday to keep people knowing my pain im in college now and its going well but i havent told my psychiatrist or therapust that i hide behind my smile mostly everyday im really just now telling them that i was raped in the second grade i dont even knowvif they know about the ones when i was 12 and 13 i doubt it though but i was dianosed with major server depression, paranoid schizophrenia, anxiety, and ptsd eveyday i think that my two attacks from when i was 12 and 13 are coming to kill me my psychiatrist say its my paranoia but what if shes wrong then i will be so upset with her i get to overwhelmed with things im anxious right now what should i do please no negative comment

so im 19 going on 20 in two more month and I was thinking about turning to drinking because I be depressed most time I just had a bud light but didn't drink all of it I also thought about going back to cutting myself as well its been almost 3 years since I haven't cut myself im trying to stay out of the hospital im schizophrenic I hear and see things im hearing voiced right now telling me to hurt myself I have depression, anxiety, and a bad case of paranoia I think people are out to kill me my psychiatrist and therapist knows these things about me but I think my psychiatrist is trying to kill me though she put me on medication to keep me calm she thinks its my paranoia making me think she is trying to kill me I don't think so I don't trust her like that but shes a good doctor to me she never let me down she did nothing wrong its just my thinking but I don't know what to do at times what should I do please help and please no negative comments I also have low self esteem I think im crazy for real cause have a lot of mental issues and people treat people with mental issues wrong I saw it when I was in the hospital

So i was thinking about listening to my voices again and going back to hurting myself i deal with schizophrenia(paranoia type),major server depression,and anxiety i mean if i go back to hurting myself my family will be hurt and i will end back up in the hospital now i know you're thinking if i dont wont to hurt my family then i shouldnt hurt myself i havent told my psychiatrist or therapist yet because im scared to tell them because of what they might say or think im on 156mg of invega and 1mg of resperadol and its helping a little with the voices and visions i have and also with the paranoia my mind have racing thoughts that i cant controll i think im crazy and have problems for real my boyfriend dont think im crazy but i think im crazy my self esteem is kind of low because i dont think im good enough or dont feel pretty enough sometimes i want to cry but cant because its hard for me to cry what should i do please no negative comments thank you i have mental problems

Well i been seen people in my room talking but other people cant see them im schizophrenic i also har voices as well it scares me some times but i be afraid to tell my therapist and psychiatrist when it happenes when im around them i get paranoid i think people are out to kill me im on medicine for my mental problems but i also get nervous and anxious alot what should i do please no negative comment

Im a 19yr old female and today i emailed my psychiatrist to tell her that my schizophrenia is keeping me from trusting her my other psychiatrist and my therapist now im stuck on what to tell cause u dont wont to hurt they feelings i really care about them a lot and they care about me as well but i just dont know what to do please help and please no negative comments thanks

Im a 19yr old female and today i emailed my psychiatrist to tell her that my schizophrenia is keeping me from trusting her my other psychiatrist and my therapist now im stuck on what to tell cause u dont wont to hurt they feelings i really care about them a lot and they care about me as well but i just dont know what to do please help and please no negative comments thanks

2/2This goes with my other post i just posted im schizopherinic as well and my docter thinks this is where my paranoia coming from

Today i emailed my psychiatrist and told her that ive been getting paranoid a lot and she wasnt in her office so her assitant called me and ask how long have i been paranoid so i told her she also asked why was i paranoid and i told her because im afraid someone(my attackers and yes they are real) is out to kill me like stab me in the back or suffocate me and she felt bad she asked what do i do about my paranoia and i told her i meditate but im afraid that if my paranoia get any worst then it is im afraid that i might have a panic attack when no one is around or go back to hurting myself its been almost a year or two since i havent hurt myself but im just afraid what do you think please no negative comment i already feel bad enough by the way im a 19yr old female my email is jokeliacolvard@yahoo.com

Monday is my one of my therapist last day with me because of my insurance she's taking me out to eat but I will miss she is also taking me to my dad's grave but she been with me since I was 17 I'm 19 now and she knows everything about me she even have some of but I don't pictures I drew from when I was angry but I don't wont her to leave I have a psychiatrist and another therapist but it wont be the the same because they only know things about me based off my records and they don't know me that well enough. My therapist that is leaving me said I can call her which I don't mind to do but I also want to see her because she's been there for me for a lot of things like when I was in the hospital, had trouble at school and home and when I had crying spills or got angry she knew what to do and how to make me feel better I don't know what to do. what should I do please help

My dad b-day was yesturday and I'm mad that he wasn't able to celebrate it because some men's took his life. On the other hand I'm dealing with bullies at my school that are keep teasing me I don't know what to do

My dad b-day was yesturday and I'm mad that he wasn't able to celebrate it because some guys took his life and I feel a part of me have died inside and out.also I feel that the kids at my school will bully me more for telling on them I don't know what else to do I want to give up but then it want be right cause it wont solve anything.I talked to my counselors about it but I'm not getting any better please help me

I'm to scared to tell my counselor what's making me sad because I don't know how she will react to it I mean I want to tell her so she can help me with my problem but don't know what to do

I get teased sometimes

I have low self esteem

I did self harm and think about doing it again

I do get good grades in school

I sometimes think about hurting others when they mess with me

I don't like myself

I don't love myself

I call myself ugly

I want to communicate with my dad but the problem is he is dead

I don't know what to do im 17 years old and I got teased before, raped two times,dad got murdered,don't know if I can talk to my dad cause I never experience death of a love one before its like I'm going down hill Im to the point to where I will end up hurting the person(s) who teased me if they do it again I told a grown up at my school I got teased and she want me to her their names but I don't know it but they do ride my bus. I talked to my counselor and they're worried about me I feel like I'm ugly and no one else likes me but my friends,boyfriend, and family some times I want to take a knife and cut all my pain away (not saying I'll cut myself) I don't mess with nobody I'm sometimes quite when I want to be please help me what should I do

I don't know what to do I mean I'm always thinking about my dads death,I sometimes get talked about,most adults always say we kids shouldn't have nothing to worry about I mean what do they know I know I'm not going to make it I talked yo my counselors and one of my friend.its a shame that I don't love myself I just don't know what else to do or where else to turn :'(

My dad past away on june17,2011 and even though he wasn't in my life we still use to talk but now we can't my brother don't seem to miss him but for me if feels like another part of me left if only them men's didn't do what they did to my dad he would still be living now I only do the talking while my dad listens from the sky above

My dad past away on June 17,2011 and even though he wasn't in my life I still talked to him on the phone but now I can't because some people murders him it just I tried to get a relationship with him now I do the talking when I want to talk to him I don't know what to do please help me