can't be myself with my wife?

I've been married for almost 7 years. When we dated it seemed better than wonderful. My wife set me on a high pedestal. Then six months into our marraige my wife's true colors started to show themselves. Every time I showed a different taste from what she liked or disagreed with her she would either rage against me or act like I had greatly hurt her. I'm not sure which made me feel worse. She would also do the same when I wouldn't "obey" her. She is also extremely jealous of me and other people. When I say that I mean whenever anyone earns, wins, or receives something she doesn't she acts like it diminishes her personally. For example, in a couple weeks my boss is taking me and my fellow supervisors out to lunch and my wife acted like it was the greatest injustice in the world. She also doesn't like to let me do the things I like to do or spend much time with the people I want to spend time with...including my family.

So over the years I withdrew into a shell and tried to create a new personality that would be able to please her. It never really did. and I felt empty inside. As the years passed I blamed myself for her behavior and I just thought that if I could change myself more she would be happy. I personally believe that God can talk to us in our minds through the Holy Ghost. One day after she raged against me for something a thought clear as day entered my mind: "Its not your fault." A tremendous load of guilt lifted off my shoulders. At first I was angry with her. She had been abusing me. However guilt still told me that all wives act this way. I tell myself that isn't true. It has been almost two years from that time and I think she has a mental illness.

Since that time now that I can take a step back and see what "triggers" her I can keep her placated most of the time and when she uses guilt trips or rages or both I know its not my fault. However I still don't get to be myself. Last year I started a new job where nobody knows my wife. I have been coming out of my shell at work and I've learned that I like myself and I hate the "fake me." I'm not proud of the man I have become to keep my wife placated.

I'm thinking of divorce. However I feel guilty for "leading" my wife on. She's pretty much convinced that our marriage is going "her"way now and shows me off like a possession. I don't think that she has any idea that the real me is still here.

How do I confront her on this? How do I tell her that in self defense I created a new personality and that I've knowingly perpetuated it to keep things calm? I've tried to gradually unleash the "real me" but I find myself incapable of that. I don't think she'll want to see the real me after all of these years. She gets very mad when she sees me "slipping" back into old habits she thought she trained out of me.

help