Overbearing in laws driving me crazy?

You have to take what your in-laws say with a grain of salt. They can talk your ear off about whatever they want, but when it comes down to it, you and your husband have the final say for everything concerning your baby. She can spend hundred of dollars on the baby. You don't have to use it. It can be returned for store credit or donated. She can give you all the advice she wants, you don't have to take it. She can call 10 times a day, you don't have to answer. They can take 5 years off work to help you raise the baby, but you don't have to accept their help if you don't want it. Just say thank you and forget about it.

When I brought my first born home from the hospital, my cell phone was turned off. My laptop was turned off. My door was locked. My husband made all the phone calls after the baby was born and told everyone I'd get in touch with them when I was ready and after a few days when I was feeling up to it, I started to call people, have one guest over per day, but with a set expectation for when they had to leave so I could get my nap in.

Everyone's always like, what can I do? what can I do? Find something for them to do that you don't want to do. If your MIL wants to help, she can wash the dishes or scrub the bath tub for you, or make supper, or run some errands for you. It might not be what she had in mind since it's not directly related to the baby, but, if she truly wants to help, she'll do whatever you ask her to do for you.

Next time they call, refer them to this website: http://haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/

Then tell them not to call again and that you will let them know when there's word. Being that they're his parents, your husband needs to set boundaries, and needs to do it now. They may not stop by without calling (and if permission is not given in that call, they're still not allowed to stop by), they may not buy things for the baby without asking, etc. Follow through. If they show up at the door, don't let them in. If they buy something, thank them politely but refuse the gift. Don't answer the phone, and have the outgoing message be a reminder such as "We appreciate everyone's concern, but the phone calls are overwhelming and we will call when there is news. We also ask that people refrain from visiting until we are settled and ready. Thank you!"

Sounds like the first grandchild? When baby decides to come, don't announce you are in labor. so go to the hospital, and after the baby here and you are ready for visitors, call them!

Give them ideas of what they CAN do for you. If you don't want visitors until you establish a good breast feeding routine, let her know (she will want to feed the baby all the time too). Suggest the two go on a great mini-vacation after the baby comes since MIL took time off work.

I wouldn't call them until baby has arrived. It is the husbands job to be in the delivery room. I had my husband and my grandmother at both of my children's birth. Seriously you decide who you want to be around you, this is your time. You should be happy in this occasion. It is all about you and your baby.

Ugh I know exactly what you mean! But after my child was born, I moved in with my husband's mom and his control freak step dad (who is a complete douche). What a disaster! His step dad never had children, was so focused on his career and of course as they are too old to have children together, he expected to raise my child as his own. Even refused to be call grandpa, wanted to be called poppa. The crazy things was, my then fiance and his step dad NEVER even got along but he assumed he had a right to play daddy with our son. It got so bad that the day before we moved out, I had to call the police on his mom and step dad for locking me out of the house so I couldn't get in to get our stuff.

So I know exactly how you feel. Only in my situation, it didn't really start until our son was 2 months old but lasted until he was 2yrs old, until we finally got our own place and moved out.

Do not make the same mistakes I made. Every time they pushed, I pulled. At times it got borderline creepy, like there was once where my son woke up in the middle of the night, I don't even remember hearing him cry but I decided to go and check up on him. I went in his room and saw my husband's step dad standing by my son's crib, feeding him. He looked at me and said, "Go back to bed, I got it"....So I started sleeping in my son's bedroom. Now, I don't think it will get that bad with you and your in-laws since you guys don't have to live with them (THANKFULLY!), but because we were always butting heads, my relationship with them went from them considering me a daughter, to us borderline hating each other. This also affected my husband's relationship with his mother. My son is 7yrs old now and for the last 5 yrs (since we moved out) my husband and my son has had an almost non existent relationship with her. They say we took our son away from them when we moved out. They blame us, but they barely made any attempt at all to see their grandson after we left. It's a very sad thing.

I have some regrets. I mean, my son and husband went there for Easter yesterday and my husband told me (I have not gone to that house since I moved out) that our son kept forgetting who the lady (his own grandmother!) was. It was probably only the 3rd time my son has seen his grandmother since we left that house 5yrs ago. I wish I had chosen my battles more carefully. Even though I was a young mom (I was 19 when I got pregnant), I was very stubborn and found myself being spiteful in a lot of ways. I would never, ever refuse them if they wanted to see my son but there where times where I would do things like hide my son's clothes because they would always want to change his outfit. (Even if he wasn't dirty, they would just look for excuses to take control.) Things like that.

My advice to you:

Since you do not have to live with your in-laws, I don't see it getting as extreme as my situation, but I think you should have an easier time of picking your battles with them. I'm not saying let them walk all over you and take control of your child. But try and find a middle ground in as many situations as you can. Like once you go into labor, it is entirely up to you if you want them in the delivery room. If you choose to have them there, feel free to let the nurses know at any time you would feel more comfortable with the room to yourself and hubby. There was one point where I was in labor and I started throwing up and the nurse asked me if I would like her to ask everyone except my husband to leave. I told her yes. The moment you decide you want some private time with your husband and new baby, you should tell the doctor/nurse to let your in-laws know. If your in-laws want to insist on doing things that you would prefer to do yourself, try to find a way to compromise rather than deny them completely.

The hardest thing to do is find a middle ground to make everyone happy, but it will be better for everyone's relationship in the long run. Make no mistake though, there WILL be times where it is impossible to make everyone happy, but in these situations, take care with how you chose to go about it. If they try and tell you they picked out a coming home outfit, tell them you already have one picked out but your child can wear the outfit they picked out for pictures, or can wear it the following day.

Also, feel free to remind them that they are not the only grandparents. There are probably plenty of people that are going to be excited about the birth of your child and they will have to understand that.

Good luck, congrats, and I wish you the best! Don't forget to sit back and enjoy these precious moments that go by too fast!

It sounds quite bad and I know your not going to want to do this but you need to put your foot down, both of you together need to tell them to back off. It will be better for you in the long run. When you are saying it just remember that this is your first baby and you want to have good memories of having your baby and taking your baby home, not memories of frustration, anger and overbearing inlaws. You need to just tell them you need space and want to spend time on your own with the baby. If they half listen and still insist on butting in then you need to really put your foot down. They will be offended, hurt and angry but they are making you feel that way at the moment. They need to realise that its your baby and they need to take a step back. Its not fair of them to put all of this pressure on you. The one big piece of advice i will give you is that when you do go into labour and until the first few hours after your baby is born DO NOT phone them. Tell them you never got a chance or your phone was dead. Whatever your excuse is. You will NEVER get back them first few hours alone with your baby as a couple. I cant say that to people enough. The phone will be ringing and people calling for long enough afterwards so keep it to yourselves for a few hours until you feel you've had enough time to get to know your bundle of joy!! You wont have a second to enjoy the baby if you tell them straight away because the phone will be going off like mad. Its a very special time you two deserve to spend it together with baby without any interruptions!! Best of luck :)