is "i have a bf/gf" a good excuse to deflect unwanted attention?

Question

i have an ex who seems to have gone uber feminazi (if i believed in God i would pray for her husband). anyway she posted an article she agreed with, went something like this: women are taught that in a bar or social setting they are to say , "i have a bf/husband etc" to deflect the attention of a man who may be flirting/ hitting on her etc. this teaching is sexist and wrong according to the article. according to the article this equates women demeaning themselves because it submits to the idea that a womans opinion doesn't matter and that ultimately men only respect another man and that's why women are taught this.

does anyone think like this besides my crazy *** ex (still no idea what happened to her)? i mean i read that article and quickly dismissed it not as an oppressing tool used against women but a phrase employed by both sexes to get rid of someone in a time efficient manner that also allows them to save face. its not sexist just considerate and polite. anyway,

Lhotse · Accepted Answer

She sounds nuts. Saying you are partnered when you aren't is just a convenient way of putting someone off.

Blue Eyed Christian · Answer

Actually, it's an interesting point - why can't she just tell the guy to bugger off and expect him to, like, listen to her? How come some guys will only listen to a woman saying "NO" if she mentions that she already has a man in her life? It isn't a sign that the woman is sexist or was raised in a sexist manner...if anything, it could be a sign that the tool who won't back off is sexist. Saying "no" should be all it takes for the person making the unwanted advances to walk away.

? · Answer

It sounds like a matter of which angle one looks at it. There are so many ways to deflect unwanted attention rather than simply "I have a bf/gf". Because shes femnaziblahblah as you have described she is looking through the lens of women being oppressed. This statement, however, may not be intentionally trying to oppress women. It may mean to another person, that you have no concern with dating someone else. There are so many different perspectives one can analyze anything, it is a matter of how one looks through it.

But interesting that you brought this question up. I was approached the other day and asked if I was single. I replied that I have a girlfriend. He would not leave me alone insisting that I did not look like a lesbian. This made me think, what if I said I had a boyfriend? Do I have to change my looks in order to conform to a stereotypical lesbian look?

Anonymous · Answer

If a woman uses that line when it's not true I just see it as her trying to spare the guy's feelings because it's easier than saying she's not attracted to him. I don't read anything more into it than that.

? · Answer

I think it depends on what type of person you are. You can give the person a harsh i'm not interested or you can say I have a bf which doesnt hurt the persons feelings. I guess it depends on the situation if the guy making the advances is being rude then tell him outright you aren't interested if they are being polite then I would say I have a partner that is just me though. It isn't sexist because it works both ways men can use the same trick.

The only reason women use it more than men do is not because of sexism it is because women get advances more than men do that is just a fact so it stands to reason women would be turning more men down.

? · Answer

That excuse is a common deflection used to spare feelings, when turning down unwanted attention. Just flat out saying "I'm not interested in you" is difficult for some.

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is "i have a bf/gf" a good excuse to deflect unwanted attention?

6 Answers