Why would a divorced couple get back together?

Question

Our marriage had a lot of issues and I wanted to separate and get divorced. He did not want to. After a few months of separation he found a Gf and filed for divorce. They are still together. I'm dating someone also. The divorce was very straight forward and were not fighting about anything. The final paper work is due back in about 3 weeks.Basically were friends at this point.

On mothers day he came by and brought a present and some doughnuts and hung out for an hour or so. During this time we got into a conversation about us in the future. He said maybe we would get back together on one, five or ten years. You never know. I said we have no future other then friends were divorced. Further more If he thought we had a future he should have stayed married and tried to work on things. I did ask him several times about working things out or going to counseling and he didn't want to so I dropped it.  He just said who really knows what the future holds and I responded that I did. That divorce is the end of a romantic relationship and as far as I am concerned there is nothing that can bring it back to life. You need to work on a relationship while your in it not after its over. Being together is a choice and he chose to get divorced. I just didn't see his view point. So am I wrong to think divorce is the ultimate ending of a relationship? Why would a person get back together with an ex-spouse? What reason for or against a reconciliation after the divorce do you have?

. · Accepted Answer

Sometimes people re-marry because they grew/changed and the issue that caused their divorce no longer exists...and they still love one another...

Sometimes they remarry because they have some level of emotional dependence on each other and likely even had an on-again/off-again dating relationship...

I'm like you, if it gets to the point of divorce, then I'm done...that's it...we aren't going to get back together at some point...I'll move on with my life and expect him to do the same...I wouldn't put myself through the stress and financial burden of a divorce, if I thought we would be together in the future...

Nancy M · Answer

There is no reason in the world that I would ever want my ex back. He had made my life miserable and I was more than happy to get that man completely out of my life. When he knew that I wanted out then he decided that he wanted to make the marriage work. He did as he pleased, when we were married, and if I didn't like it then who cared? I had raised my 3 kids on my own and he was a poor excuse for a father for them. Sometimes a couple can get back together because they think that the person will be a different person. They get remarried again and then sometimes they are sorry again and then go through another divorce. I have known different couples who remarried and now divorced.

rkrell · Answer

Because sometimes relationships are simply about timing.  The first time a couple gets together they get the timing wrong and one or both simply aren't ready for that relationship.  Years later they still have a connection and they have matured and have more life experience and those things that were issues before now don't exist.  Honestly I think this only happens for very few people because usually as you said there is an ending romantically on one side or the other that will never exist again.

BAM · Answer

People get back with ex spouses and remarry ALL OF THE TIME.  I read a stat that said up to 15% of couples that divorce remarry each other.  That seems a little high to me, but it happens.  Why?

People realize how stupid they were and try to fix a major mistake.  Some people mature and improve because of the divorce.  Some people realize the grass isn't greener on the other side.

mmm · Answer

well that is exactly what my s/o's ex told him - they'd be back together in 5 years - she was banking on it

she wanted to go have her fun and then when she was done spending all his money and laughing in his face he would come crawling back to her - that didn't happen

some people don't understand the word divorce, some people get divorced and then realize they still love their ex, some people learn a valuable lesson and want their spouse back because they realize they were the one screwing up - and that my dear, has a chance of working out . . ..

Therese · Answer

I heard someone say getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting your dirty clothes back on.......well, it can be like that if the couple never resolved the issues that caused the divorce in the first place.
But if all the issues are resolved ,then its fine.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they didn't learn the first time...

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Why would a divorced couple get back together?

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