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Is this iambic pentameter correct?
I have asked this question before but I want to get a second opinion after reviewing it. I will mark the best answer.
Along the winding waters in the woods,
A boy and girl are left alone for good.
Their father, a wimp, their mom, a harsh witch,
Kids are a burden they need to unhitch.
Within the forest, a path they must find,
They leave a long trail of breadcrumbs behind.
In hours, they find a small house made of sweets,
They run over and eat: loving their treat.
The old hag in the house became enraged.
She locked the children into a large cage.
She tries to bake them, to eat as her bread,
But the two siblings had her baked instead.
2 Answers
- FlashRubinoLv 67 years agoFavorite Answer
The third line is unmetrical, because it has stressed syllables in odd numbered positions, surrounded by unstressed syllables in even positions. So is the fourth, because "need" is stressed and flanked by unstressed syllables, in an odd position. The same problem with "path" in the next line.
In the next, "trail of breadcrumbs" reverses the stress positions. "Loving their treat" is OK to start a line, but in the middle it sounds awkward and is called a "broken back line."
In the next, "hag in" are in reverse positions: stressed where unstressed should go; unstressed in place of stressed.
In the next line, "eat" is in an odd position, flanked by unstressed syllables in even positions.
what you tend to do is slip in an anapest in the middle of the line that throws everything off.
Iambic pentameter doesn't have to be regular, but you can't have stressed syllables in unstressed positions AND have unstressed syllables next to them in stressed positions.
- ?Lv 67 years ago
I think this would make the rhythm more spot on.
Along the winding waters in the woods,
A boy and girl are left alone for good.
Their feeble father and their mother witch
Find kids a burden that they need to ditch.
Within the woods a path the children find
And leave a trail of breadcrumbs dropped behind.
In hours, they find a cottage made of sweets.
They run to fill their stomachs with the treats.
The hag inside the house becomes enraged.
She locks the children in a heavy cage.
She tries to bake them in a loaf of bread,
But Hans and Gretel baked the witch instead.
