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Why was I thinking of him again- maybe the moon making me crazy?
I thought I was over it, break up was actually 3 + years ago (it doesn't seem like it's been that long though), relationship was for 4. It's been like 8 months since I thought I had really gotten over it. By the way, since the breakup we havent talked and I don't look him up online or anything. I think he texted me a year and a half ago (it was weird, won't go into it but I didn't respond very warmly yet I wasn't bitchy either- not sure what he wanted). So anyway, since like 8 months back I thought of him much less, and if I would think of him, I wouldn't cry or feel like it, I developed a crush on someone, and had thoughts like I'm glad it was over, I'm glad I don't have to put up with some of the sh*t I did deal with, he wasn't my perfect type looks-wise anyway, even though I still found him attractive, so basically was happy to be free of him. So I don't know why suddenly yesterday and especially last night I started heavily thinking about many different moments we've had, all so special, how he made me feel so special and loved, common interests we shared, just the way he was, his personality, his warm long hugs, things like that. I wondered if he's ok, was sad at the thought of someone who meant so much, who I shared so much with, just disappearing from my life. I cried and felt like it was hard to stop, like I would stop then go out of my room to talk to somebody and feel like tears were coming so I had to go back to my room. It was overwhelming. I still have the crush
still have the crush on the guy, even more now, it's just that he lives many states away. Also, I had slowly been getting my ex on my mind recently, little things that had to do with him would give me thoughts, but last night was just overwhelming. I don't want to feel that emotional thinking of him again. How can I stop that fromhappeneing again? Also, yesterday I was feeling kind of anxious, and after I calmed from thinking about him, I just felt anxious and restless in general.
Was it just because of my being so lonely that I was thinking like that again? I missed having someone hug me and all? But then I've been lonely for a long time now, not just suddenly.
When I said still have the crush on the guy, I meant the new guy, not ex! This new guy is possibly the perfect man and I find him so hot!
1 Answer
- KherovaLv 77 years ago
Because you haven't let go of something. You convinced yourself you moved on, but some part is still keeping you tied to that time and place in your life. Ultimately I don't think people ever completely wash away other people they've been close to, but time generally removes much of the intensity of the associated feelings. The fact that it just hit you, and hard, makes me feel there is still something unresolved, and the only way it could stand up and be noticed by you is when your guard was down (because you had been so convinced otherwise for so long).
For me, it was guilt. I had guilt that I chose the wrong person, that I wasted time in my life. Once I forgave myself, the rest lifted away. What is is for you, you'll have to do some observing. The feelings you have aren't the answer, but they may reveal the answer. Those feelings are the expression, but what is the unmet need? Don't focus on the bloom, dig for the roots. And the motivating factors don't have to be rational/logical/correct. Do you have guilt that you gave up on something without trying hard enough to make it work? Do you feel insecure, like at least he loved and cared for you, and finding that again has been difficult? Are you afraid that time is slipping by faster, and are scared that you won't be able to get what you want before it's too late? If not, what else might be causing you to feel lack, that craving this thing that is passed would fix/fill. Then explore that lacking. This crush isn't the answer, it is just the only answer your brain could come up with (it filled the hole at one point, so it brings it up now). But you are a new person, so is he, and this is a new time. That memory will not be something that can truly satisfy the lack here. Once you've identified it, look for real ways in the here and now to bring compassion and understanding to that unmet need in you. Give your brain a new answer to the underling question by doing things you've never done, learning and growing in new ways until you find that something that reveals you never really had a lack in the first place, you just hadn't expanded who you were enough to see the whole you yet.
