I don’t know if I’m in love with my friend.?

We’ve known each other for close to ten years now and she was my first love. But I knew that nothing could ever come from it so I stopped trying to be her boyfriend and tried to be the best friend that I could. After that I still cared for her intensely but not romantically. A sort of love a brother would have for his sister. And that’s precisely what she’s like to me But now I don’t know. I just feel for her. I just want to hold her close and convey everything in that embrace. But here are two problems that I don’t.

1. I’m depressed. I’ve been battling it for months now and I know that I would have given in a long time ago if it wasn’t for her. She was the one that made me realise that is isn’t normal for people to think this way and to get help. She’s my rock in all this and without her I don’t think I would realise how seriously I was. She is always there. Every doctor appointment she’s there. She even sometimes waits outside the counsellors office waiting for me when I finish. I know I owe her my life. And I don’t know if this is the reason why I’m feeling more intensely about her. I don’t know if it’s because of her support that I feel dependant on her and that’s why I feel more for her. That I feel indebted to her because of how she has taken care of me and if that is making me feel closer to her.