Does this sound like a good story so far? I'll answer yours!?

I think it sounds like an interesting story but I would change the way some of the things are said like use different words or add a little more before getting that part. If this is the opening like first chapter and everything then I would change the opening slightly like not have the "I had to choices part" I would put something before it like her standing or waiting or something like that and explain a little more and then say "I knew I only had two choices." This is just my opinion in the end it's your story and it seems like an interesting story and to be honest I'm kind of picky when it comes to stories. I can't explain it but a all the stories I like have a certain thing that draw me in to make me want to keep reading them and not stop and you're story drew me in a bit I am curious how it turns out.

This story is a bit cliche. But I always say that if your plot is going to be cliche then your characters need to be original. They need to be opposite. If your plot is going to be cliche then your dialect cannot be cliche. And majority of your dialect is great in my opinion. But when I read about a vampires fang I immediately lose interest because I've seen this movie before. Same with a castle and a sword. Don't use those words find new ones to describe them. This is you rewriting-with new dialogue and scenarios-something that you and everyone else has read before. "White belts meant you sucked and black belts meant you mastered everything" my advice is to rewrite that sentence. And then a few days later rewrite it again. Perhaps it'll sound better with revision. It's a flat sentence.

I think the fingers brushing against the sword bit at the start is a bit strange, as it would most likely be held in one hand. This also seems to happen whilst he was running/starting to run, because of time escelation.

the" I was really going to do this", doensn't make the best sense in a past tense sort of way.

just to be a bit nit picky, white belts aren't bad they are just beginners, in forms of karate like tae kwon do you have waiting periods between the belts so even if you are good enough you still need to wait the many years it can take, to get to 9th/8th dan or 15 for bujinkan you don't actually need to wait, it is just when your good enough, but obviously its just the characters understanding in the book etc.

Being dropped straight into action like this makes me not care about who the character is. And I read so many samples posted here just like this that it's tiresome. Every day, the present tense kid in peril who pauses for narrative summary.