How to deal with a parent that belittles you, especially in front of other people?

You know him and you are right, he will disown you if you call him out on his behavior - he will not change. But you can condition him if you take the time and will induce your own absence to make his heart grow fonder - or lonelier..

The common name for how to love a malignantly narcissistic parent or relative in general is to "Love them from a distance". Simply take a break from seeing him and see how it makes you feel overall. I'm sure you will feel guilt because he cultivates guilt in you and has always done so...usually they are quite the martyrs. But guilt is not all that you will feel, you will feel better and dread going back so you stay away more and more. When you do go back, you will be so bullcrap resistant that you will finally find your assertive voice with him. You don't have to school him nor fight with him, you can just say, "I was looking forward to seeing you today, but i can see that you are not in a positive mood. I have been having problems dad and I really only need positivity right now. I will come back another day. I love you dad". Let him stew some more alone. You have to restore boundaries with this man, and if you do it too abruptly, he will be his usually over reactive "all or none/black and white" self. It takes a slow approach. It is a lot like training a puppy in fact. And if it won;t train, then let the puppy be someone else's problem. Save yourself above all. If there is a final parting, just explain without reasons that you have decided to love him from a distance. If he asks why, I would just reply "You know why" and leave him with something to ponder. Should you talk after that and he wants an explanation, just tell him that he doesn't make you feel good about yourself. Then appeal to his ego and say , "But you taught me well dad, you taught me not to take that from anyone. I love you dad. We can try again later when your mood is better." I say "mood" because it sounds temporary and isn't an assault on his character or personality that IS NOT going to change. He can stifle it in short bouts and with certain people, and he needs to learn that you are such a person to stifle it around.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an Axis II, Cluster B disorder, It is basically incurable. Don't expect miracles and don't throw yourself at his wall too many times. You are a good enough person that he should work to earn and deserve your affections and time. Don;t waste that good energy on the wrong people whomever they are.

You've pretty much laid out the two options (other than continuing as you have). Sometimes you have to draw a line in order to maintain your own well being. While you might feel sorry for him, that's no basis for a healthy relationship. You could explain to him how he's been hurtful to you and encourage him to get help, but who knows if he actually will.

My mother has BPD and over the years has said some terrible, terrible things to me. Several years ago I decided to end contact with her because she just didn't get it. Since then I've felt this incredible weight lifted off me. But everyone has to make their own choices.

That sounds like both of my parents. My mom points out my physical flaws to cosmetologists at the mall, she calls me fat and tells me I should look like my cousin who's 5 feet fall and what? 90 pounds? My dad always has his foot in his mouth and tries to point the attention on him. Why would you want to be with these people ya know? But they're your parent. You love them through the pretty and the ugly even if there is barely any pretty.

It's a hard and touchy subject but you need to tell your dad without sugar coating it and without beating it down to a pulp. He will not disown you. He needs to know. He needs to change. As we put up with our parents and love them no matter what, that's how parents are too. Your father, may be hurt after this, but will accept what he has to.

I have done so many bad things including betrayal towards my parents, and they forgave and still love me. There may be tension, but it will be okay. I wish you the best my dear

so sorry to hear that sweetie, but i don't think never talk to him is a good option. He is your father and you live with him, communication is unavoidable.

I suppose you can have a talk with him, about your feelings, what's you think about him, and how he thinks about you and stuffs like that. If it doesn't work for one time, you can talk with him more and more. I am sure he will try to make change. Anyway he raises you up, he pays for things you need, he brings you to school, he loves you.

Hope could help. Good luck.