I don't know who I miss, do I need help? sorry for length?

My father passed in 2011, I was alot closer to my father than my mother. he was someone who I loved with all my heart and still do. For some reason even now at 19 I still find it extremely difficult to cope with

However in 2013 (2 years later) I dated someone I believe I loved.. he was my second boyfriend named Timothy, I was a senior.

My first boyfriend was like my freshman year, more of puppy love.

I would date and meet boys except after my fathers death I was afraid of losing people, id distance myself and turn boys down. However with Timothy I just couldn't.

Long story short we fell in love had to break up because I was attending college in Texas and he was going out of state to play football. I just lost it after that, I still cry I still feel pain. I haven't dated since. I don't Text him or call him.

I'm just confused I don't know if I'm upset about Timothy or my Dad..

my father was a big built and tall country kind of guy and so was Tim. I found alot of similarities, it was not a weird sexual thing I can assure you! But I'm just lost and I want to quit being sad at night.. I don't want to be scared to love anymore :( I want to love someone I want to be able to trust. Please help