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what is your opinion on my student-teacher friendship?
My friends have been saying that my relationship with my female teacher (I am female too, there is nothing sexual) from last year and I are too close and it gets annoying to them. Here are the things my teacher and I do:
-We eat lunch every weekday together (though recently I've been going only Tuesday and Thursday so I could spend more time with friends).
-We text at least once a week and sometimes talk on the phone if we have to.
-We talk about very deep things, we both have histories of sexual abuse and have confided in each other.
-We hug and she holds my hand during some conversations.
-I've been to her house numerous times and play with her daughters. Sometimes she takes me to the zoo or out to eat and stuff.
-she's the only adult I can really trust in my life, and I do love her, and she has said that she loves me. I enjoy her company and it makes my day to see her.
And yes, my parents are aware that I do these things with her.
Well, even though I care so much for this teacher, I also care for my friends. How do I balance the two?
And how do I make my friends understand how much my relationship with the teacher means, while also showing that I appriciate their friendships as well?
How do I get them to not be so mean about it?
Thanks!
1 Answer
- ?Lv 76 years ago
That much contact is inappropriate. It is good to have a person who is older than you as a mentor or for support. But having lunch with her every day is too much because then you're not having lunch with peers (people your own age).
People who survive childhood sexual abuse often feel like they lost their childhood. Sometimes, they attempt to re-create that childhood by forming a close relationship with a child. She's too old to go to the zoo as a child, but by going to the zoo with you, she can share in some of your child-like experience of the zoo, which she missed as a child due to her abuse. (I'm just using the zoo as an example.)
The problem is that this can also rob the child of the experience of being a child because you're spending so much of your time with an adult. I know that this is appealing to you because she is mature and understanding, but in her attempt to relive the childhood she missed, she's getting too close to you, and it is harming your chance to be a child yourself. You're only having lunch with her, and your peers are pulling back because your primary social relationship is with her.
The real answer is that one or both of you needs to see a professional therapist. The dynamic between the two of you is unhealthy.
With the help of the therapist, you will be able to keep this woman in your life, but your primary social interactions will be with peers so that you have a chance to develop and connect socially.
Please get some help with this.
