THE truth !!! can u deny it?

with tears in my eyes and unexplanable mental state, today I disclose the secret only few understand. There is no beginning and end of time. It is called eternity. I am eternal. But there are things I know and there are things I dont know or remember. None of my actions are MY ACTIONS. All are happenings. I am a product of unlimited past and I am most afraid of future. Just as time can have ONE MORE SECOND after the last, I can have ONE MORE LIFE after the last. The SAD end is that I have little or no control over HAPPENINGS. Trust is an illusion, courage is an illusion... All I am sure about is that I (and others) are not-acting but being acted upon. Even if a God (Krishna, Allah or Jesus) has created me, all my good and bad deeds are due to their design of me. If God has created me, God is responsible for my good and bad deeds. Free will is also an illusion. No one including God can know what happens next. This is terrifying me. If I am mentally defected, the responsible of that defect is God, not me, because God created me. If I exist without being created, then I am God. There seems to be at least one more power that is generating HAPPENINGS. To me, it appears that this grappling between me and that other power is eternal and is responsible for every happening. But if I suffer, the other power is the responsible and vice versa. There seems to be no end of this long play... This is the sad ending and this is why I am emotionally subdued.