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kasper301615
kasper301615 asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 6 years ago

My fiancé cheated on me, she says she wants to fix the relationship, but she says the reason she cheated was to push me away please help?!?!?

A little back story. My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and engaged for one. We don't have any kids together but I do have a daughter and she has a son. We have everything together a car, a house, everything... We are basically married without the paperwork.

I found out Monday night that she cheated on me on Saturday night. I had already had my suspicions it was going on (late night phone calls, lying about what she was doing, hiding a friend I knew had feelings for her).

I found out by messages through Facebook. She states that she cheated on me to push me away and that she wanted me to find out that's why the messages were left there (she has deleted all other messages of lying and hiding to go hang out with the "friend" I was suspicious of her cheating me with). I immediately broke down wanting to fix it. I told her that if she really wanted to leave she can leave but she really needs to think about what she really, really wants (she is the type of person who will take actions without really thinking about the consequences).

Our relationship was in a bad place when it happened. Mostly on her end. She never talked about her issues and she has had a rough past.

Update:

I love her with all my heart.

I do deep down want to fix this relationship but I'm of course scared it will happen again.

She has blocked his number from her phone on her IPhone but we all know that can easily be undone. I asked her to change her number & send him a message saying the "affair" was over and she could not see him again. She refused to do that stating that she didn't want to even talk to him to do that.

Update 2:

I'm so town on what to do. She told me she cheated because she wanted to push me away but now less than a week later she says she wants to be with me. My questions are:

Update 3:

Should I go with my heart and try to fix this relationship?

When is the right to start trusting her to be on her own with people or going out?

Do I even condone letting her go out on her own right now?

Should I contact anyone to talk to her on her end (friends, family) for support for her and myself?

Should I really believe she wants to be with me now less than a week after it happened?

7 Answers

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  • Bethany Roberts
    6 years ago

    I'm sorry to say this... But, in my personal opinion... Once a cheater, always a cheater. If she isn't willing to send him a message saying, "the affair is over," then she more than likely cares about his feelings. If she was truly sorry, she would do as you say to make things right. I honestly think you should look for someone who would never betray you like that. Whether you two were in a rough patch, cheating is still not okay. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's rough. You do what you think is best. You have to think about yourself and your future. Wouldn't you be paranoid as to what she's doing all the time? Can you really forgive her? Can you put this behind you? Good luck.

  • seedy history
    Lv 7
    6 years ago

    So, actually, you didn't and don't have a "marriage but without the paper". You have a crazy relationship with a gal who burns her bridges and plays games with the men in her life and you entered into a number of business relationships with her. Good luck with that.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    6 years ago

    So the next time she feels like pushing you away, she'll cheat again? I wouldn't stay if I were you. Good luck on whatever you decide.

  • ?
    Lv 6
    6 years ago

    I didn't even read it. she cheated to push you away, well ok, mission accomplished. give the chic her walking papers and tell her to kick rocks with her shoes off. don't marry her. she will likely do it again without fear of retribution because you took her back this time. she will rationalize it however best she can and you won't even be able to be angry because you KNEW she was a cheater. cancel the engagement, get rid of her and get yourself checked. you have no idea what she could have exposed you to. and stop calling her your fiance. you deserve much more respect and consideration, don't you agree?

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    6 years ago

    If my S.O. admitted that she cheated to push me away, and left evidence behind because she wanted me to find out she had cheated, I don't think I could stay with her. I have more respect for myself than that.

  • .
    Lv 7
    6 years ago

    IF you two want to try to stay together, couples counseling is mandatory. Otherwise, IMO, you should just throw in the towel.

  • Serene E
    Lv 7
    6 years ago

    Sigh......HUGE RED FLAG, dude. You marry her, you'll be divorcing her.

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